Love will keep Us Together

Broken and shattered Asmi was somehow striving to lead a happy life when she met the charming and successful guitarist, Aditya. Poles apart yet alike, they shared a chemistry on which historical lovers can swear. Sooner than they realized both of them were incredibly in love. Asmi’s beauty and femininity immensely complemented Aditya’s charismatic and suave personality. It was not only Asmi whose life took a beautiful turn; Aditya, too, was on cloud nine. Asmi’s love for soulful writing soon became the inspiration behind Aditya’s music. Songs composed by him mounted to the top of popular chartbusters.

Asmi’s graceful and poised nature was in perfect match with Aditya's random and crazy lifestyle. Their meeting was like a chemical reaction between their personalities, where both of them were transformed to be better individuals. He was her rising sun and she was her gentle moon. Soon after being in love Aditya decided to get married to her. By now, Asmi had forgotten all the scars she borne from her former love. She had broken all the promises she made to herself of never falling in love again. This was not really the first time when she dared to follow her heart but it was certainly a life changing move for her.

It was Asmi's birthday in a few days and for Aditya it was a very special day. After all it had been quite some years since he celebrated his birthday. The last time he celebrated his birthday was when he was in college. During his college life, he could be easily classified as a Casanova having many flings and casual affairs, out of which he was serious twice but each time he was doubtful about a lifelong commitment. Both his ex-girlfriends were married now, and he somehow mentally accepted a lifetime of loneliness for himself when he met Asmi. So the occasion of Asmi’s birthday was a significant event for him. He chose this day to ask her parents for her hand in marriage.

Jittery and anxious, he knocked at Asmi’s door at 12 am. He thoroughly rehearsed this scene, at least a thousand times, in his mind while preparing answers for all the possible questions her parents might ask him. Asmi’s mother opened the door.

Aditya said in a soft voice, “Aunty! I came to wish Asmi for her birthday. Is she home?”

“Damn what are you saying Aditya. Of course she would be at home at 12 am. Just calm down. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Repeat”, he murmured to himself.

“Yes, I will just call her. Please come inside beta”.

Asmi came out rubbing her eyes. She was not very fond of celebrating birthdays at midnight. It was like an ordinary night for her when she read her favorite book till 11 pm and slept.

“Adi! How come you are here at this time? I told you I will see you tomorrow.”

“Asmi, apart from wishing you birthday I have a surprise for you too.”

“What is that?”

By now her dad and younger sister had also came out in the hall. Aditya nodded to greet everyone and said, “I have a surprise for you all.”

He sat on his knees in front of Asmi and held her hand.

“Asmi, I am madly in love with you. You have lighten up my life with your presence. Life has never been this meaningful for me. I want to marry you but before that (he turned to face her parents), I want to ask your parents whether they will accept me as a part of their family. Uncle and Aunty, I promise to give lots of happiness and love to your daughter. To me, she is more precious than my life. I can’t imagine to live without her. Please let me marry her.”

Seeing Aditya’s love for their daughter, Asmi’s parents had tears in their eyes. Contradictory to what he expected, Asmi’s parents readily accepted their relationship and his proposal. Aditya hugged her parents and expressed his gratitude.

“The surprises are yet not over.”

“Now what, jiju? Don’t spoil Asmi by so many surprises”, said Asmi’s sister teasingly.

“This one is a very special surprise. Asmi close your eyes please.”

Aditya quickly played a video on his phone. It was Aditya’s family wishing her birthday and welcoming her to their family. Asmi was overwhelmed with happiness and tears rolled down her cheek. She hugged Aditya and buried herself in his chest. He gently held her face in his hands and planted a kiss on her forehead.

***

Asmi could not believe her fortune for having Aditya's love in her life. She started believing in destiny more. Every day while thanking her stars for being in love with him, she also feared separation from Aditya. Though there were no signs of threat on their love, she still could never convince herself that everything would go on well. 

Soon they were engaged and their wedding date was fixed. Aditya was not at home when the pundit declared their wedding day. She ran into her room and picked her phone to intimate Aditya but then disconnected the call thinking that she would surprise him. Without wasting a moment, she got ready and rushed to meet Aditya. When she reached his office, she was informed that Aditya was in a meeting and she was asked to wait for a few minutes. She planned to get his favourite cake for him from a nearby bakery.

"Write 'My Adi, with love your would-be wife'", dictated Asmi to the bakery boy.

She picked the cake and ran towards his office. While imagining the look on his face when he will read those words on the cake, she completely forgot to look at the other side of the road. She was engrossed in Aditya’s thoughts when a speeding Scorpio XUV came from the wrong side and rammed her. The cake fell far away towards Aditya's car whereas Asmi was trundled on the other side of the road. Her head banged with the pavement and she immediately lost consciousness. She was bleeding profusely. People swarmed like bees near her, but nobody was willing to take her to the hospital. After all who wants to undergo the trouble of legal and medical formalities? A bunch of old women coming back from their evening walk quickly attended to her bleeding wounds and one of them called the ambulance and informed the police. The driver of the Scorpio XUV who was not more than a 30 year old man was captivated by the crowd and people handed him over to the police.

In the meanwhile Aditya got to know that a young lady has met with an accident right outside his office premises. Being completely unaware of the woman’s identity, he rushed out to offer help but couldn't even see her face due to heavy crowd. Within seconds, the ward boys put Asmi in the ambulance and rushed her to the hospital. 

As Aditya was going inside his office, he somehow felt like calling Asmi. While he was dialing her number, he saw the damaged cake near his car. He went near it and as soon as he read the distorted words, tremors struck his entire body. It didn't take him more than a second to realize that the young lady was none other than Asmi. He ran after the ambulance and after running for 8 kms he reached the hospital where Asmi was admitted. Panting and short of breath, he inquired about the accident victim at the reception. He was shown the way to the ICU. He tried to forcibly trespass the ICU when he was dragged out by the nurses and ward boys. The 'affluent and rich music composer' was now begging on his knees to catch a glimpse of the young lady with a bleak hope that it was not his Asmi. On seeing his plight, the doctors allowed him to peep through a glass hole in the door. With crossed fingers and diminishing courage, he looked through the glass. All he saw was Asmi lying lifeless in a pool of blood and doctors trying to revive her almost ‘dead’ body. He fell numb on ground and started screaming at God (Read ceiling) "Why her? Why not me? You gotta a problem with me, right? Take me with you. Leave her. Please. I beg you." 

After a wait of more than 3 hours, the senior doctor called Aditya in his cabin. He offered him water and said, “We have done our level best. Now rest everything is on God. Still, I suggest that you should call your relatives.”

“Don’t say that. Do anything, just save her. Take as much money as you want but save her. She is my life. We are engaged and would be marrying soon.”

“Money can't make miracles happen, son. She has suffered intense external and internal injuries. Her brain’s CT scan shows injuries to her frontal and temporal lobes. We are yet not sure whether her limbic system is damaged in the accident. Till she gains consciousness; which might be in one day, one month or one year; it is difficult to say whether she will be able to lead a normal life or not. Marriage is not even a consideration right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“In such cases, there is a huge risk of patients losing their abilities to perform day to day functions, think, communicate and move around in the world. She may be completely dependent. Her behavior may get completely bizarre and unpredictable. She may not even recognize you as there could be partial or total amnesia. All we can do is to pray and wait.”

Aditya left his cabin with a heavy heart. His life had come to a still but he had to do a heavier task of informing the families. Asmi’s mother reached the hospital in a state of shock whereas her father almost collapsed on the floor after seeing Asmi in CCU. Aditya’s family could not accept the tragedy that doomed upon their son and his would-be wife. They told him how happy Asmi was when she left from home to meet him. She had specially requested everybody to not disclose their wedding date to Aditya as she wanted to surprise him.

Aditya cried vociferously for a while and then suddenly got up to rush to the police station with blood in his eyes for the man who has led his Asmi in this condition. He got to know that the accused was heavily under the influence of alcohol. Due to Aditya’s popularity, he was allowed to meet the culprit in the company of two policemen.

Another shock awaited him as he entered the dingy and poorly lit cell of the jail. As the accused turned around to see the men who entered his cell, Aditya was taken aback to find his college buddy Vikram Roy. Together, they used to drink and party like animals. There was no bar, no night club, no party adda that was unknown to them. While Aditya matured with age, Vikram was still a party freak and an alcoholic.

Vikram rushed to him and said, “yar Aditya, please bacha le mujhe. Ek ladki pata nahi kahan se meri gadi se takra gayi. Bhai maine pii zaroor rakhi thi par maine break maarne ki koshish kari, par tab tak woh gadi se takra chuki thi.”

Aditya stood there like a mannequin looking away. His life seemed to freeze so as his body.

“Pata nahi kahan dhyaan tha uska!! Dekhke road cross nahi kar sakti thi. Khud toh hospital pahuchi, mujhe jail pahucha diya……Bhai tu kuch bol kyun nahi raha? Kahiin mar var toh nahi gayi who ladki?”

On hearing these words, Aditya slapped him with tremendous force. Vikram fell on the wooden chair placed in a corner. 

“She is my fiancé and I love her too much. Agar use kuch bhi hua, toh main khud teri jaan le lunga.Aur ek baat…Galti uski nahi, teri thi. Sharaab pii ke galat side se tu aaya tha.”

Vikram managed to get up and aggressively uttered,“Saale dost ko bhool gaya ek ladki ke chakkar mein. Pehli baar thodi pyaar hua hai tujhe! Kitni ladkiyaan aake chali gayi teri zindagi se. Bhool gaya kaise sari raat hum daaru peete the, tab kisiki jaan ki parwah nahi hui tujhe. Aaj is ladki ke liye itna kyun tadap raha hai ki apne jigri dost pe haath utha diya tune, jaan se maarne ki dhamkee bhi di…Jaa nahi chahiye tere jaisa dost.”

By this time Aditya had completely lost his temper and got violent with Vikram again. The policemen had to forcibly bring him out of the cell. Aditya was burning with anger when we paced out of the police station towards his car. It was raining heavily and his hands shivered while touching the steering wheel. Chills ran down his spine as the reality behind Vikram’s words began to strike him. He was haunted by the flashes from the nights when they used to heavily drink and rashly drive to flaunt their manhood to impress girls. He realized how many lives he risked for his trivial pleasures. 

He envisaged himself standing at the edge of a cliff in a completely drunk state while his eyes and mind were slowly rolling into slumber. He visualized the faces of his previous girlfriends who were crying in agony when he left them. On carefully looking into each one’s eyes, Aditya noticed that they were actually laughing at his helplessness. He fell on his knees and dumped his face in his palms. He was about to jump off that cliff when Asmi suddenly appeared from nowhere. She was looking beautiful as ever and her face was radiating a Divine glow.

“Please don’t go Asmi. I will die without you. You know that I am a changed man now! I want to live my life with you.”

“I know my love, but somebody has to bear the consequences of the misdeeds.”

“But why you Asmi? Why not me? After all it was me who has caused so much pain to others.”

“Adi! It’s because I love you very much! You are mine. Your virtues and vices are mine. Your good and bad deeds are mine. And their consequences are mine too. I chose to take away all your sins and I am leaving behind my love and lot of memories. You will live for me Adi. Won’t you?”

“Asmi….Let me not answer this. I…”

His phone rang to wake him from his siesta. His mother was on the other side. 

“Aditya come quickly. Asmi has gained consciousness and she is reiterating your name. That means she has not lost her memory. She remembers you, my son! I told you to have faith in God.” 

At once he rushed to the hospital. He entered the CCU wearing a mask. Her once beautiful body was pierced and confined by the tubes coming out from the ventilator which was her 'apparent' life support system. He sat beside her, and carefully picked her hand so as to not disturb the tubes inserted in her body. She looked at him and tried to give him a comforting smile.

Aditya wiped his tears and spoke in a cracked voice, “I knew you will be alright Asmi. I knew that you will remember everything about our love. My Asmi can never leave her Adi alone! You remember every moment spent with me, every time I made you laugh, I teased you, I made you eat with my hands, I made you sleep in my arms. Don’t you?”

Asmi nodded with her eyes.

“Our love is embedded too deep in our minds and souls, for accidents to erase it from our memories.” 

She looked straight into his eyes for a long while without blinking. Though her entire body was giving up on her but he could see the same spark in her eyes which he saw the first time he met her. Looking into her eyes, he immediately understood that Asmi was slipping away from the hands of life. He made no conscious effort to either call the doctors or say her things. He knew that the futile medical efforts would pain her more and interrupt with her peaceful journey from this life to the next. He also knew that his presence with her is worth his thousand words. He wanted to maintain the serenity of her last moments. That was his last gift to her, to let her pass away in peace. 

Aditya gently stroked the skin of her cheek which was visible through bandages covering her distorted face. He touched the marks on her cheeks and at once felt huge pain in his heart.

"I love you, times infinity". 

"How long is times infinity?" she managed to ask.

He said, "Sometimes it’s just a second."

After a few minutes, when the nurse came to bring Aditya outside the ICU, she saw Aditya lying next to Asmi. Asmi's arms were wrapped tightly around Aditya, inhibiting his movement. The nurse was just about to consider this pleasant sight as a positive sign when she happened to see Asmi's ECG monitor. It displayed a straight line!

On seeing Aditya hugging Asmi, she had tears in her eyes. She comprehended that Aditya had not even realized that Asmi is dead. She went closer to Aditya and patted on his shoulder. Aditya did not respond. When she tried to separate Aditya from Asmi’s body, she screamed in horror as he fell lifeless on the floor. While Asmi succumbed to her injuries, Aditya’s autopsy suggested a cardiac arrest.  

That night Aditya chose to die with his love. Surviving without her would have meant dying without her every day. Dying with her meant eternalizing their love! 

 

Divine Song

I hear the divine song every night 

Sung by beautiful Higher Beings

Melody asserts His love and might

Describing the starry rings ..... 

I dream of floating in the infinite universe

Searching other souls of my tribe 

I would sing them my favourite verse

And would hear the anecdotes they describe ..... 

Touch of the white divine light on my body 

Would heal my pain and suffering 

Lift me up to a place so calm and steady 

I would let go off the earthly emotional string .... 

I appreciate the Divine for giving us death

As it is a journey to the land of love and bliss

Healing the soul from earthly ego and wrath 

Like thirsty land receives rain's first sweet kiss .....

Reasons to be in love with an Entrepreneur

There is a lot of negative air around entrepreneurs and relationships. It is considered that dating an entrepreneur is like dating a ‘zombie’. Let me tell you that they have goals, emotions, needs etc. like all of us and they are in no way any less of a human. Their mindsets to look at various aspects of life from a unique perspective, and a pressing desire to bring about a positive change in the world set them apart from others.

Following are the points which explain why I feel that it is absolutely incredible to be in love with an entrepreneur:

1.     Flatter you with Innovative Love Strategies: If you’re the kind of woman who is not simply flattered by materialistic gifts, he is the guy for you. He would use all his groundbreaking ideas to direct happiness your way, even if that means going out of the way. By the way, you can expect him in your balcony at 2 am for a surprise ‘I love you’!

2.     Amaze you with his Memory: If you are in love with an entrepreneur, you would never crib about spoiled anniversaries (due to forgetfulness) because when it comes to remembering days and dates, he would give you a tough competition! He would vividly remember the first I love you, the first kiss, the first (and last) of everything, and all your conversations and moments. If your memory is not as strong, it’s never too late to start eating almonds and marking special dates on the calendar!

3.     Congratulations! You just found a Santa: Since entrepreneurs are the people who love to take up challenges, he would do anything to fulfill your crazy demands. No matter how stupid, bizarre or unbelievable your wishes are, assume that they are fulfilled. He will be your personal Santa! Ho Ho Ho!

4.     Push you hard to strive for excellence: They believe in giving more than their 100%. Once he has strong feelings for you, he would constantly motivate you to attain your maximum potential. Don’t misinterpret that he wants to change you or you are not enough for him. It is far from truth. You are already much more than what he ever imagined. It is just his way of showing his love and care for you. He truly wants you to live a life of your dreams. Seeing you suffer in life would be a reminder of his own struggle. Just believe in his belief in you and proceed ahead to grow together. Remember not to worry while pursuing your dreams, as he will always stand behind you to catch you if you fall.

5.     Drama free relationship: It’s time to ditch your ‘drama queen’ image as your entrepreneur guy would not have time for unnecessary drama and disputes. He would want to make the best of every second as he knows the value of time. Every moment spent with him would be special. His sincerity and straightforwardness would be something, you will admire all your life.

6.     Know you better than anyone else: Don’t be surprised if you feel extraordinarily attached to him quite early. His profession demands him to study humans to the core otherwise his business would fall flat. He would spend time in studying every fine detail of your beautiful mind. You will be astonished as, with time, he would know you better than you know yourself. Be careful, as he soon may start reading your mind too!

7.     You become a part of their experiential world: By default, entrepreneurs are amazing storytellers. He would have innumerable stories to share with you from his overabundant experiences. Expecting random talks and gossips from him would be an indicator of your naivety. He would talk pure sense. You will simply admire his intellect. You can just sit all day and listen to him talk. With him, your time will fly on a jet!

8.     Never Give Up on You: He is likely to stand by you even in your nastiest phases as he has already handled lot of things at his worst. He has traveled a hard way to reach where he is, even harder than what he might have initially imagined. He will stick by you even if that would mean fighting the entire world. And for that you will love your ‘knight in shining armor’ even more!

9.     Your love is likely to last: An entrepreneur would do anything to sustain what he loves, whether it is his work or his relationship. Once they start something, they are likely to fulfill it. This will most likely be the deepest relationship of your life. They enjoy depths in every aspect of their lives including their relationships. The deeper you dive with him, the richer your bond will be. He will strive hard to balance everything, sometimes even beyond what he can handle. You can just relax as he will step forward and make everything work!

Before rushing to pick up your phone to call that entrepreneur guy (you like), make sure to contemplate on the last point:

10.  Are you the one for him? : Before rushing in a relationship with an entrepreneur, understand that for him it’s not just work. Every move he makes impacts REAL LIFE HUMAN BEINGS. His dreams are way bigger than what he is doing today. Most of the times his work would be his priority and shouldn’t it be as it is no longer about him? It is impacting thousands of humans out there. The work pattern in his life would be like a pendulum swinging between working less to being totally consumed in work. If you can’t accept and appreciate his work, or if you want constant attention from your guy; then you are surely not the one for him!

Most of the times his mind would be struggling with self-doubts, concerns about the kind of work he is doing and its consequences. Instead of reaffirming them, make sure to encourage and support him. He has struggled a long way alone. Now it’s time for him to have a loving companion by his side!  

This article is also published at Women's Web: http://www.womensweb.in/2015/06/10-reasons-fall-love-entrepreneur/

Love Zodiac

When i gaze deep into the cloudy night

I wonder what i seek...

Is it love or is it power,

Is it the land or the waters,

Is it the path or the end,

Confusion perturbs me

while,

the unraveled mysteries haunt.

I look for signs in the dark sky

Glimpses of a shining star

Or, the moon peeping from the clouds...

All I see is infinite infinity

Emerging from the womb of black dishabille.... 

And then you cross my mind 

Our love, a deeper mystery

Though an intention to resolve

Gets further entangled with its unpredictability..

At last,

when I sit to join the dots

You and I, 

fit together perfectly

Like the pieces of a childhood puzzle...

The clouds make way for the stars to shine

And now I can clearly see.

Our love is like a constellation in sky.

Others see isolated stars

while,

we join the dots to form our love zodiac.

Never Let You Go, Not even after Death

Losing someone dear is an extremely painful journey. Soon after the loss, the realization starts setting in that you will no longer be the same person that you were with her/him; that a void is created in your soul which can never be occupied again; that a large part of you is gone along with the person. It is quite a gut wrenching pain!

As time rolls by, you stop sharing your grief and pain with others. People around you start expecting you to behave in the same way as you used to before. The condolences and sympathies start subsiding and people begin to look for the old ‘you’. You may feel a need to be around people once again, as you start appreciating the human connections even more now. You decide to step out of your grievance zone. That's the first resilient step towards healing.

You feel everything a little strange and different. You observe and gaze around things with a different perspective. You wear a smile on the outside to mask away your silent sobs. You pretend to be there with others in the social gatherings whereas your mind is completely indulged with the fond memories of the person. A song, a face, a fragrance, a place, an event - almost anything and may be everything reminds you of your loss. You may feel that you need more time and so you hibernate again. You weep, you shout, you fall weak, you give up, but then eventually you gather courage once again to pull yourself out of it. That's your next big step towards healing as you have shown it to yourself that you are still strong enough to make another attempt to overcome your grief.

You meet all sorts of people during this journey. You know them already but the way they treat you during your journey makes them appear as completely different people to you. There will be people who would avoid you or avoid talking about your loss as they don’t know how to deal with you in a grief stricken state. You tend to shape a negative image about them in your mind but know it that they are the ones who are emotionally weak to handle the pain and perhaps still need to learn some major lessons of life. They fear dealing with loss and grief as they might have never fully acknowledged their own unpleasant emotions. You also meet people who ease your pain, who comfort you, who provide support, who say all the soft words you ever wanted to hear, who encourage you to talk about your loved one while they listen to you patiently. Those are the people who have been through this journey already and they facilitate you as guides in your healing process. They make you realize that even if we all are alone in this journey, then we are together in that too.

Slowly and steadily after going through each step, there might come a time wherein you realize that the person you lost never really goes as you have already internalized her/him in your thoughts, words, and actions. S/he is in your blood and bones. The person has survived in your soul and hence will always be alive within you. Your love for the person is eternal and in a way, you have not let the person die. And that's how you truly mean when you say.. "Never let you go". 

Integral Education: A Contemplative, Transformative and Transpersonal Approach

Everyone has in him something divine, something his own, a chance of perfection and strength in however small a sphere which God offers him to take or refuse. The task is to find it, develop it and use it. The chief aim of education should be to help the growing soul to draw out that in itself which is best and make it perfect for a noble use. – Sri Aurobindo

Need for Integral Education

Critically speaking, the world seems to be in a state of crisis! The child is born in a society which is defined by complexities and conflicts in every sphere of life – kinfolks, politics, business, religion, caste & class, etc. From this disappointing stance, education seems to be a promising redeemer which asserts holistic development of the children through experiential learning. However, it is dismaying that the current scenario of the education system appears to emulate an industrial mindset. Knowingly or unknowingly, many educational institutions and educators perpetuate practices of conformity, orthodoxy, disempowerment, oppression, and life alienating thought forms. In order to empower and liberate the minds of the children and facilitate a democratic society, a prudent educational design based on the ideals of self-determination, open mindedness, equality, freedom, and justice is requisite.

What is Integral Education?

In the teachings on education by Sri Aurobindo and Mother, Integral Education or Free Progress System emerges out as a viable solution to the concerns of contemporary educational system. Sri Aurobindo focused on the transformation and divinization of the child in a manner where the ignorance and suffering of human beings are transformed into an infinite existence of mind, life and body that is inwardly united with Divine and outwardly expressed as a holistic self. Mother believed that complete education can never be achieved through academic excellence alone. It should encompass five fundamental aspects of human being - the physical, the vital, the mental, the psychic, and the spiritual.

Integral Education proliferates that each child is a soul in the journey of evolution and already has the knowledge. Moving away from mere information and skills acquisition, it emphasizes on the self-development of the child triggered from within and further nurtured by teachers and parents. The basic aim is to facilitate the child on becoming the ‘whole’ or ‘integrated’ being that he is meant to be by integrating surroundings, society, country and humanity with his true self.

Sri Aurobindo outlines the three principles of education that can preside over all true learning. The following three principles are assisted by 2 processes of nature which are, insatiable curiosity, and spontaneous imitation & hero worship. 

1.     Nothing can be taught: Since each child is a soul in evolution, the proper role of an educator is not to impart knowledge but to guide the students in acquiring knowledge for themselves. The true knowledge comes from within and can’t be obtained from acquiring outside information. However, the provision of external resources along with an enriching and stimulating environment helps to awaken the individual to his/her latent potentialities.

2.     Consult the mind in its growth: Every child has a unique dharma, a Divine given duty and talent, and it is the educator’s responsibility to help the students identify these innate abilities, predispositions and interests, and to further cultivate them. Educators must not impose any arbitrary set of ideas, knowledge, qualities or capacities determined by others as it deflects them from their natural developmental trajectory and estrange them from their souls leading them in wrong directions.

3.     From the near to the far: The child must be taught in a way where the knowledge grows from the senses to more abstract faculties. Individual must be guided from what is already known, accomplished and established to the outer extensions that are within the reach but are yet unrealized and undeveloped.

Progressive Pedagogical Principles

Though the possibilities for the enrichment of the educational process through the creative application of integral principles are endless, following are some progressive pedagogical guidelines which can enhance the teaching and learning process.

·  Acknowledge Multiple Intelligences: The internal source of reality is the Psychic Being whose external focal point is the idiosyncratic Intellect. Depending upon the diverse learning styles and varying strength of mental faculties, each student has their own path to learning. All intelligence must be acknowledged and nurtured as it is essentially one. Development of one intelligence possibly assist in the development of the other forms of intelligence.

·   Individuality and Human Potential: Each child is unique and has something different to offer to the classroom and the world. Treat and respect each one of them as unique individuals. Adopt a personalized approach tailored specifically according to their needs and talents. Encourage the child to progress at his/her pace without any comparison or competition. Educators can design some exercises which could take the form of extra challenges, special creative exercises, extra classes or programs that suit their needs.

·   Involvement of Children: Educators must actively involve children as imperative contributors in their journey of self-development. More freedom, choice and power should be placed with the students in terms of what and how they want to learn. Educators must attempt to relinquish the role of “sages on the stage” to become “guides on the side”.

·  Friendly Atmosphere and Ethical Classroom: Holistic development of children can be exquisitely undertaken by nourishing them in a non-threatening, serene and natural environment. Classroom is the learning laboratory for life and hence must encourage compassion, sensitivity, care, respect, dialog, self-discipline. It should model community building and quality relationships. 

·   Self-evaluation as a Pathway for Lifelong Learning: Emphasize on cultivating introspection and self-reflection in students so that they become conscious and aware of their cognitive faculties, and understand values at a deeper level. This will initiate a lifelong learning process as skills like innovation, expertise, wisdom and leadership develop and deepen over adult years.

·  Meta-learning: Encourage children to “learn how to learn”, “think about thinking” (metacognition), and understand the nature and limits of knowing (epistemology). Education should fortify the learner’s ability to monitor, reflect and choose the appropriate problem solving strategies for paramount outcomes.

·   Awakening creativity: In today’s complex modern world, success requires creativity which includes considering multiple perspectives, hypotheses, or alternate solutions and not pledging rigidly and swiftly to any single way. Students must be encouraged to bracket their logical minds and open to other forms of intelligence as and when required.

·   Culturing of Emotional Wisdom: Mother emphasized on education of the ‘vital’ and suggested that it should commence at an early age. In addition to teaching children to observe their own impulses, reactions, desires and their causes; observing others, accurately interpreting others’ feelings and influencing others’ emotions through one’s own emotions are fundamental to one’s emotional wisdom. Educators must introduce their learners to the rich legacy of human emotions that are exhibited in poetry, music, art and literature.

·  Sensitize with Music: Music is not only one of the joys of life but can also be one of the joys of learning! With the effective use of music, educators can create a desired atmosphere and establish a positive learning state in order to accentuate learning activities. Music facilitates a multisensory learning experience that can enhance attention, memory, and imagination, develop rapport, align groups, and inspire students.

·  From ‘concrete’ to ‘abstract’: Till the age of around twelve, the child’s mind is hardly open to any abstract notions, ideas and concepts. Educators can still teach them using concrete images, symbols and fables. A narrative, story, enactment of situations, introspection, collective games etc. can be more impactful than any number of theoretical explanations.

·  Pedagogy for Authentic Learning: Most authentic learning happens in social contexts, and often through peer tutoring, apprenticeship or mentoring relationships, and collaborative learning. Encourage learning by doing, case based learning, situated learning, discovery learning and inquiry learning. Learning inspired from curiosity and personal engagement is far superior and in depth than rote memorization.

Educators following the integral pedagogy make a conscious effort to balance the inner realities (visions, feelings, values, motivations, relationships) and the outer realities (action, measurement, physical health, infrastructure etc.) of their learners. They give themselves as much freedom to develop as they give to their learners.

Conclusion

The integral approach to education addresses many aspects of being a human including spiritual growth, flowering of human potential and evolution of the meaning-making capacity. The thoughtful, introspective and transformative learning experiences tend to shape the learners into responsible and sensitive global citizens. 

This article is published in EducationMatters@ETMA, March 2015 issue.

Go to the link for the e magazine: www.etma-india.in.

Nirbhaya: India's Daughter

Since morning, an intensely fiery debate is going around on the social media over the much anticipated ban on the BBC documentary on Jyoti Singh a.k.a. Nirbhaya. After watching the documentary, I felt how most of us have trivialized the issue by focusing on the ban rather than contemplating the deeper concerns which the documentary entails. As women we all have gone through some or the other kind of molestation, be it physical, emotional or psychological. Every time we hear about a rape or an assault on a woman it stirs gut wrenching pain within us as it somehow evokes our own experience of pain, guilt, shame etc. There is a vicious cycle which induces emotions like guilt and shame, in order to pin us down to our own fears, so that we don’t pose as a threat to the convenient ways of living of the patriarchs.

For me, Nirbhaya represents the battle of courage v/s fear. Over centuries patriarchy has become so deeply enrooted within our psyches that it gets exceedingly inconvenient for most of the men and even, women to move towards the stance of equality. Women have to face tremendous resistance and pressure of various kinds in order to step out from their domestic inner space into the male dominant outer space. When women like Nirbhaya dare to overcome such fears to stand independent in society and express their freedom, men like these culprits feel extremely threatened. Their entire patriarchally driven cognitive schema of subjugating women and having a hold on them is challenged. Little do they realize that patriarchy suppresses not only women but men as well!

The shackles of patriarchy affect men in such unconscious and emotionally stirring ways that their immediate defense reaction is to curtail the freedom of women and ‘teach them a lesson’ as even mentioned by one of the rapists. Since childhood men are conditioned to avoid exercising their basic right to express, especially their emotions, in the name of being stronger and tougher than women. They have been taught that their sisters and mothers are weak and hence need their ‘protection’, so much so, that when grown up they end up assuming the role of ‘superiors’ or ‘moral police’ for women in their families as well as other women in the name of family/society/cultural honor. The emotions that were once suppressed as a great symbol of patriarchy, now turn into underlying fears, anxieties, rage etc. which when triggered along with other environmental and social circumstances manifest into extreme violence on others, mainly women.  

The situation has become so disastrous that our so called ‘Great Indian Society’ conveys this message loud and clear that, under certain influences, men in our culture have the potential as well as 'approval' to be brutally worse than monsters. They can behave heinously under the influences of alcohol, any substance use or provocation by women through her 'perceived' overt or covert behavior. As a logical human (and not a woman!) it seems totally irrational to buy the point that men rape because they are provoked by what clothes women wear, what time women are out, with whom they are out, where do they work etc.

This is to all men who are so blinded by their false sense of pride and ego of being a male, that they have lost all senses to reason: “Are you men so primitive that you have no control over your urges and drives? Are the so called patriarchs so gullible that they can’t take responsibility of their own actions? Do you need women to save you from committing crimes on them by staying at homes and wearing what you think will be non- provocative for you? Do you even realize how dumb that sounds? Let us say, we provoke you to rape us. What sort of provocation do infants, girl children, women with mental disorders and old women instigate? You still rape them! You know why? Because it has trickled down deep in your mentality to rape. It doesn’t matter to you what age we are, what clothes we wear, what time we are out, with whom we are out. The only thing that matters is that we are women with no rights over our bodies, actions, and ourselves and the only one having right over us is YOU! In your delusion of superiority, you have become inferior to animals because even animals don’t simply exist on pleasure principle, they dutifully adhere to the social norms of their kinfolks in a better way than you!”

Acknowledging all the efforts that have been done for protecting women and their rights, it is unfortunate that the collective mindset remains unchanged. As an educator, I feel extremely despondent to say that probably even education is not a solution to the stale mentality that the men of our society proudly herald. The so called ‘Educated’ lawyers of our country have shamelessly objectified women in their press statements by using metaphors like flowers, diamonds and gems for women that need to be kept in ‘proper’ place or else they will be taken away/spoilt/damaged. Another defense lawyer proclaimed that he will set alight his own sister/daughter in case she brings ‘disgrace’ to the family’s honor. Apart from that, I came across many educated men (and, even women) who still advocated that the consequences Nirbhaya faced were due to her ‘adventurous’ behavior of being out at 8 p.m. with her male friend. This makes me really cynical about how well education will/can bring a change in thinking at mass level.

The poignant question still remains: Is there any hope for rationality and sensitivity to prevail? Here, the indispensable understanding should be that this decayed mentality did not nurture in isolation, it is a by-product of our own shared mindsets that have been garnered within our homes and society at large. Hence, we need to acknowledge that the perpetrators of not only Nirbhaya, but each and every rape survivor, are one of us. 

As a psychologist, I strongly believe that apart from education, informed socialization of children, especially boys, is a pivotal aspect to create sensitivity towards other gender. Letting them acknowledge and express their own pain and emotions will shape them into sensitive and sensible men who are not controlled by outdated patriarchal mindsets but are positively driven by thoughtfulness and compassion.

Be a human, before being a man or a woman!

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

“Love – an exuberant feeling. Isn’t it? But, what happens when the person you love turns into a stranger; when your life partner is not able to feel your hurt anymore; when your painful cries leave no insignia of despondency on your partner’s heart. It feels as if the seas are withdrawing from its shores, mountains are falling flat on ground and the skies are engulfing the earth.”

This article may help you see a little light but before that let me narrate to you a story of a girl who wished for her Prince Charming. She was beautiful, intelligent, impulsive and liked to ‘think’ a lot. In order to prevent her heart from breaking she ostentatiously swore of never falling in love. She thought she deserved the best and accentuated on never settling for anything less than perfect. The male protagonist of this story was studying far away from his home. Reserved, intellectual, and rationalist were a few adjectives to pronounce him. 

Destiny played its trump card through a social networking site. Friendship blossomed within days and soon they became best of friends. Their bond developed so intense that they notoriously cursed destiny for not bringing them together early. With fierce yet unacknowledged love in their hearts, they kept looking for opportunities to confess. However, one day, they fought over nothing and ended up pouring their hearts to each other. 

Loving is never a problem, getting authentication for the same is. They soon realized that their love is not going to be an easy battle. It will encompass all sorts of fears, insecurities, differences, family issues etc. But how could they miss their only chance to marry the person they genuinely fell in love with. Though they were still in college, they firmly believed in their love for each other. Neither physical distance nor social barriers could keep them apart. Their love simply grew with each passing day.

As the years rolled by, their significant others got involved in their relationship and the locus of control slipped from their hands to their families’. Fears and insecurities hovered in their minds which suffocated their love for each other. A once beautiful love had now turned into a corpse whose burden they were forced to carry throughout their lives. Blame game, quarrels, ugly comments, disrespectful attitude were all part of their daily altercations. The boy faced difficulty in handling this emotional turbulence which transmuted him into a workaholic & insensitive person. For him, her words, tears and emotions mattered no longer. He compromised with their state and acted like a mannequin with an indifferent attitude towards their relationship. Situation grew further intense when the girl claimed her love and refused to let go of him. She held on to a hope that one day his heart will melt, the blinkers on his eyes will fall and he will eventually realize that he needs to unburden his pent up emotions, learn to let go of pain, learn to forgive and learn to love again. Little did she realize that she was holding on to an illusion. Her love had already gone! Usually great romances begin with war. In their case, it ended with war. 

The point I intend to make from this story is that pain is an indispensable component of love. Consider pain as a catalyst as it can extemporaneously destroy or strengthen the relationship. Which way your relationship go is contingent on factors like trust, commitment, honesty etc. Pain is not an outcome, but a process which facilitates your journey of growth. But, unrestrained pain is like a mad elephant. It can ruthlessly trample any person, relationship, dream, and goal coming its way. Failing to channelize it properly can cause massive destruction to a relationship. Pain, like death, is inevitable. Acknowledging pain of self and others can help one grow fonder and resonate deeper about self, other person and relationship. The more you run away from pain, the harder it will chase you (the girl tried her best to prevent her heart from breaking and in the end it shattered into pieces).

Communicating your pain and empathetically understanding the other person’s pain can save your relationship from unnecessary negativity and arguments. Remember to keep aside any standards of judgment for pain. If the other person refers to something as painful, believe it to be so with no efforts to rationalize. A particular event may be painful for some and not painful at all for others. Let pain/sorrow/hurt be subjective!  

One may question that is love and commitment for each other not enough to sustain a relationship? Both of them loved each other dearly, then what went wrong? The lovers in this story never tried to plunge into the pasts of their partners. They never tried to make sense of the words they wrote, the tears they cried, the songs they sang and the stories they narrated. All of it carried (as well as conveyed) an essence of the pain they once felt. They just got so busy in customizing their love to fit in the standards laid by society that they never tried to make their way to each other’s souls. Knowing someone’s soul leads you to love the person with each and every scar. This kind of love remains strong and unshaken!

And for all of you who want to know what happened in the end…Did they realize their love or parted ways? I have to disappoint you as I don’t know! I never got a chance to see this girl again. Sometimes, when I think about the couple even I wonder what would have happened in the end?

“Unfortunate are the ones who are parted from their lover, the more unfortunate are the ones who live with their lover without being loved”