Reasons to be in love with an Entrepreneur

There is a lot of negative air around entrepreneurs and relationships. It is considered that dating an entrepreneur is like dating a ‘zombie’. Let me tell you that they have goals, emotions, needs etc. like all of us and they are in no way any less of a human. Their mindsets to look at various aspects of life from a unique perspective, and a pressing desire to bring about a positive change in the world set them apart from others.

Following are the points which explain why I feel that it is absolutely incredible to be in love with an entrepreneur:

1.     Flatter you with Innovative Love Strategies: If you’re the kind of woman who is not simply flattered by materialistic gifts, he is the guy for you. He would use all his groundbreaking ideas to direct happiness your way, even if that means going out of the way. By the way, you can expect him in your balcony at 2 am for a surprise ‘I love you’!

2.     Amaze you with his Memory: If you are in love with an entrepreneur, you would never crib about spoiled anniversaries (due to forgetfulness) because when it comes to remembering days and dates, he would give you a tough competition! He would vividly remember the first I love you, the first kiss, the first (and last) of everything, and all your conversations and moments. If your memory is not as strong, it’s never too late to start eating almonds and marking special dates on the calendar!

3.     Congratulations! You just found a Santa: Since entrepreneurs are the people who love to take up challenges, he would do anything to fulfill your crazy demands. No matter how stupid, bizarre or unbelievable your wishes are, assume that they are fulfilled. He will be your personal Santa! Ho Ho Ho!

4.     Push you hard to strive for excellence: They believe in giving more than their 100%. Once he has strong feelings for you, he would constantly motivate you to attain your maximum potential. Don’t misinterpret that he wants to change you or you are not enough for him. It is far from truth. You are already much more than what he ever imagined. It is just his way of showing his love and care for you. He truly wants you to live a life of your dreams. Seeing you suffer in life would be a reminder of his own struggle. Just believe in his belief in you and proceed ahead to grow together. Remember not to worry while pursuing your dreams, as he will always stand behind you to catch you if you fall.

5.     Drama free relationship: It’s time to ditch your ‘drama queen’ image as your entrepreneur guy would not have time for unnecessary drama and disputes. He would want to make the best of every second as he knows the value of time. Every moment spent with him would be special. His sincerity and straightforwardness would be something, you will admire all your life.

6.     Know you better than anyone else: Don’t be surprised if you feel extraordinarily attached to him quite early. His profession demands him to study humans to the core otherwise his business would fall flat. He would spend time in studying every fine detail of your beautiful mind. You will be astonished as, with time, he would know you better than you know yourself. Be careful, as he soon may start reading your mind too!

7.     You become a part of their experiential world: By default, entrepreneurs are amazing storytellers. He would have innumerable stories to share with you from his overabundant experiences. Expecting random talks and gossips from him would be an indicator of your naivety. He would talk pure sense. You will simply admire his intellect. You can just sit all day and listen to him talk. With him, your time will fly on a jet!

8.     Never Give Up on You: He is likely to stand by you even in your nastiest phases as he has already handled lot of things at his worst. He has traveled a hard way to reach where he is, even harder than what he might have initially imagined. He will stick by you even if that would mean fighting the entire world. And for that you will love your ‘knight in shining armor’ even more!

9.     Your love is likely to last: An entrepreneur would do anything to sustain what he loves, whether it is his work or his relationship. Once they start something, they are likely to fulfill it. This will most likely be the deepest relationship of your life. They enjoy depths in every aspect of their lives including their relationships. The deeper you dive with him, the richer your bond will be. He will strive hard to balance everything, sometimes even beyond what he can handle. You can just relax as he will step forward and make everything work!

Before rushing to pick up your phone to call that entrepreneur guy (you like), make sure to contemplate on the last point:

10.  Are you the one for him? : Before rushing in a relationship with an entrepreneur, understand that for him it’s not just work. Every move he makes impacts REAL LIFE HUMAN BEINGS. His dreams are way bigger than what he is doing today. Most of the times his work would be his priority and shouldn’t it be as it is no longer about him? It is impacting thousands of humans out there. The work pattern in his life would be like a pendulum swinging between working less to being totally consumed in work. If you can’t accept and appreciate his work, or if you want constant attention from your guy; then you are surely not the one for him!

Most of the times his mind would be struggling with self-doubts, concerns about the kind of work he is doing and its consequences. Instead of reaffirming them, make sure to encourage and support him. He has struggled a long way alone. Now it’s time for him to have a loving companion by his side!  

This article is also published at Women's Web: http://www.womensweb.in/2015/06/10-reasons-fall-love-entrepreneur/

Nirbhaya: India's Daughter

Since morning, an intensely fiery debate is going around on the social media over the much anticipated ban on the BBC documentary on Jyoti Singh a.k.a. Nirbhaya. After watching the documentary, I felt how most of us have trivialized the issue by focusing on the ban rather than contemplating the deeper concerns which the documentary entails. As women we all have gone through some or the other kind of molestation, be it physical, emotional or psychological. Every time we hear about a rape or an assault on a woman it stirs gut wrenching pain within us as it somehow evokes our own experience of pain, guilt, shame etc. There is a vicious cycle which induces emotions like guilt and shame, in order to pin us down to our own fears, so that we don’t pose as a threat to the convenient ways of living of the patriarchs.

For me, Nirbhaya represents the battle of courage v/s fear. Over centuries patriarchy has become so deeply enrooted within our psyches that it gets exceedingly inconvenient for most of the men and even, women to move towards the stance of equality. Women have to face tremendous resistance and pressure of various kinds in order to step out from their domestic inner space into the male dominant outer space. When women like Nirbhaya dare to overcome such fears to stand independent in society and express their freedom, men like these culprits feel extremely threatened. Their entire patriarchally driven cognitive schema of subjugating women and having a hold on them is challenged. Little do they realize that patriarchy suppresses not only women but men as well!

The shackles of patriarchy affect men in such unconscious and emotionally stirring ways that their immediate defense reaction is to curtail the freedom of women and ‘teach them a lesson’ as even mentioned by one of the rapists. Since childhood men are conditioned to avoid exercising their basic right to express, especially their emotions, in the name of being stronger and tougher than women. They have been taught that their sisters and mothers are weak and hence need their ‘protection’, so much so, that when grown up they end up assuming the role of ‘superiors’ or ‘moral police’ for women in their families as well as other women in the name of family/society/cultural honor. The emotions that were once suppressed as a great symbol of patriarchy, now turn into underlying fears, anxieties, rage etc. which when triggered along with other environmental and social circumstances manifest into extreme violence on others, mainly women.  

The situation has become so disastrous that our so called ‘Great Indian Society’ conveys this message loud and clear that, under certain influences, men in our culture have the potential as well as 'approval' to be brutally worse than monsters. They can behave heinously under the influences of alcohol, any substance use or provocation by women through her 'perceived' overt or covert behavior. As a logical human (and not a woman!) it seems totally irrational to buy the point that men rape because they are provoked by what clothes women wear, what time women are out, with whom they are out, where do they work etc.

This is to all men who are so blinded by their false sense of pride and ego of being a male, that they have lost all senses to reason: “Are you men so primitive that you have no control over your urges and drives? Are the so called patriarchs so gullible that they can’t take responsibility of their own actions? Do you need women to save you from committing crimes on them by staying at homes and wearing what you think will be non- provocative for you? Do you even realize how dumb that sounds? Let us say, we provoke you to rape us. What sort of provocation do infants, girl children, women with mental disorders and old women instigate? You still rape them! You know why? Because it has trickled down deep in your mentality to rape. It doesn’t matter to you what age we are, what clothes we wear, what time we are out, with whom we are out. The only thing that matters is that we are women with no rights over our bodies, actions, and ourselves and the only one having right over us is YOU! In your delusion of superiority, you have become inferior to animals because even animals don’t simply exist on pleasure principle, they dutifully adhere to the social norms of their kinfolks in a better way than you!”

Acknowledging all the efforts that have been done for protecting women and their rights, it is unfortunate that the collective mindset remains unchanged. As an educator, I feel extremely despondent to say that probably even education is not a solution to the stale mentality that the men of our society proudly herald. The so called ‘Educated’ lawyers of our country have shamelessly objectified women in their press statements by using metaphors like flowers, diamonds and gems for women that need to be kept in ‘proper’ place or else they will be taken away/spoilt/damaged. Another defense lawyer proclaimed that he will set alight his own sister/daughter in case she brings ‘disgrace’ to the family’s honor. Apart from that, I came across many educated men (and, even women) who still advocated that the consequences Nirbhaya faced were due to her ‘adventurous’ behavior of being out at 8 p.m. with her male friend. This makes me really cynical about how well education will/can bring a change in thinking at mass level.

The poignant question still remains: Is there any hope for rationality and sensitivity to prevail? Here, the indispensable understanding should be that this decayed mentality did not nurture in isolation, it is a by-product of our own shared mindsets that have been garnered within our homes and society at large. Hence, we need to acknowledge that the perpetrators of not only Nirbhaya, but each and every rape survivor, are one of us. 

As a psychologist, I strongly believe that apart from education, informed socialization of children, especially boys, is a pivotal aspect to create sensitivity towards other gender. Letting them acknowledge and express their own pain and emotions will shape them into sensitive and sensible men who are not controlled by outdated patriarchal mindsets but are positively driven by thoughtfulness and compassion.

Be a human, before being a man or a woman!