What does ‘sexygoddess@15’ say about you?

You are facing login issues with your net banking and you visit your bank to sort the issue. An IT guy sitting in your bank asks for your password,

Sir, please give me your password so that I can fix your login issues.

With lot of hesitation in your mind and a blush on your face you utter, ‘it’s sexygoddess@15’.

He entered the password, and with a smirk said, ‘oooh! Nice choice Sir’.

You feel utterly embarrassed and try in desperation to justify your choice. Other people surrounding his desk look at you and chuckle. You try to divert the attention of the IT guy and the onlookers by asking some other random question but that completely goes in vain. What just happened? The people who got to know your password drew an inference about your personality. To say the least, they just imagined your sexual fetishes!

Have you ever wondered that in today’s time, when we are laden with the need (or want) to have so many social accounts, what make us choose our passwords? Can a simple password suggest some aspects of our personality? Psychological researches suggest that it can predict a lot about your memorization strategies, visual and finger patterns, affinity towards people or events etc.

Usually when we choose a password we attempt to keep something which can be readily recalled by us when needed. For most of us it is a phrase or a number (or a combination of both) which, consciously or unconsciously, holds deep significance in our lives. Immediately after my grandmother passed away, most of my passwords were changed to ‘iloveunani’. A few weeks later I further changed it to ‘imissyounani’. It also suggests that password creation is a process which evolves with change in time and circumstances. We choose the password that best describes our current situations, belongingness to a particular person or date or event, or our likings and interests. A lady who aims to shed her extra kilos may keep her password as ‘Iamfat’ and once she has achieved her goal may change it to ‘fromfattofit’.

Nowadays when Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat are ruling our minds and lives, passwords are a key to the whole social and psychological domain of its user. Password selection is a highly personalized and insightful process. Our brain generates passwords which can be easily memorized and retrieved. To save the effort of learning a new code, the brain chooses an available memory (which is usually semantic in nature) as our password. A Leonardo DiCaprio fan may have his password as “29^th February 2016” which was a historical day in his life. However, a few of us may even design a password on the basis of the patterns of alphabets and numbers on keyboard. Such users rely on their procedural memory, which could be called as digital memory, like qwerty123, or the numbers that fall in a straight line on a phone keypad like 2580, or straight or a diagonal finger pattern.

Passwords are not only the passwords to our social media/bank/or any other type of accounts but they are also a password to our psyche. If your ex’s name or birthday is still your password, then strings with past are still attached. On being confronted, you may even deny this because for you it was just an easy memory but at a subconscious level, those memories are selected which have a high emotional value in your life. If your password is the name, birthday, or any other detail about your spouse, children, parents, friends, pets etc., it can be predicted that you have a strong inclination towards that particular loved one. A man described that he keeps altering his parents’ anniversary and their birthdays as his passwords but has never created any other password apart from these significant dates. Some people’s passwords show significant religious/political orientations as well. A Tibetan friend of mine once told me that all her passwords start with ‘OmManiPadmeHun’ (which holds a great spiritual value in their culture) with a combination of some numerals. A website quotes a crazy Bollywood fan having his password as ‘MogamboKhushHua’. Interesting, isn’t it?

For convenience purposes, earlier most people liked to keep a ‘short, sweet and simple’ password. However, with the accelerating rates of cybercrime, it becomes imperative to choose a complex password which is difficult to crack. The following are some common DOs and DONTs for password selection:

DOs

• ·         Use a combination of names/birthdates/events in both upper and lower case.
• ·         It would be even better if you can use a combination of word/phrase along with numerals and symbols as it becomes more complex to be guessed.
• ·         Keep changing your passwords every month (Lazy people like me can exercise the liberty of same password for a month or two extra!)  
• ·         IF changing your password seems like an intellectually tiresome job, you may probably not change your entire password. You can decide to change just the phrase or just the numeral/symbol.  It is a good idea for people who don’t generally keep a record of their passwords.

DON’Ts

• ·      Don’t use phrases which you keep saying all the time. If some girl keeps telling her friends ‘Main apni favorite hoon’, that is definitely a ‘NO’ for her as a password. You would know exactly what I mean if you have watched Akshay Kumar and Bobby Deol starrer Ajnabee (The Bollywood inside me keeps coming out from time to time!)
• ·         Do not share your passwords with people whom you can’t trust with your security and privacy.
• ·     Don’t store the list of your passwords in plain text on your PC. It is advisable to use some password storage software or create a list of websites along with the user name and write a hint for each one which is meaningful just for you.

Reading up this piece of writing would remain incomplete if you don’t try out the following:

DIY: Make a list of your passwords (Don’t forget to delete them or store them in a safe place once you’re done!). Identify the patterns in all the passwords. It will give you an insight into your thought patterns. Watch out for a repetitive object, be it a person, date or an event, in all the passwords. If you happen to identify any pattern which you were previously not aware of, then you have just successfully accessed your subconscious mind!

You must also think whether the object of your password(s) is known to other people in your network. If yes, then be sure to use only the confidential information which is not publically known. Otherwise, it may put your digital security at risk.

So next time, keep all these things in mind before creating your own personalized password. It is an entire whirlpool of emotions at the base of choosing our passwords. Whatever password we may choose, it reflects our thought processes, our inclinations and affinities, and emotional value systems. Therefore, be thoughtful about your passwords.

Never Let You Go, Not even after Death

Losing someone dear is an extremely painful journey. Soon after the loss, the realization starts setting in that you will no longer be the same person that you were with her/him; that a void is created in your soul which can never be occupied again; that a large part of you is gone along with the person. It is quite a gut wrenching pain!

As time rolls by, you stop sharing your grief and pain with others. People around you start expecting you to behave in the same way as you used to before. The condolences and sympathies start subsiding and people begin to look for the old ‘you’. You may feel a need to be around people once again, as you start appreciating the human connections even more now. You decide to step out of your grievance zone. That's the first resilient step towards healing.

You feel everything a little strange and different. You observe and gaze around things with a different perspective. You wear a smile on the outside to mask away your silent sobs. You pretend to be there with others in the social gatherings whereas your mind is completely indulged with the fond memories of the person. A song, a face, a fragrance, a place, an event - almost anything and may be everything reminds you of your loss. You may feel that you need more time and so you hibernate again. You weep, you shout, you fall weak, you give up, but then eventually you gather courage once again to pull yourself out of it. That's your next big step towards healing as you have shown it to yourself that you are still strong enough to make another attempt to overcome your grief.

You meet all sorts of people during this journey. You know them already but the way they treat you during your journey makes them appear as completely different people to you. There will be people who would avoid you or avoid talking about your loss as they don’t know how to deal with you in a grief stricken state. You tend to shape a negative image about them in your mind but know it that they are the ones who are emotionally weak to handle the pain and perhaps still need to learn some major lessons of life. They fear dealing with loss and grief as they might have never fully acknowledged their own unpleasant emotions. You also meet people who ease your pain, who comfort you, who provide support, who say all the soft words you ever wanted to hear, who encourage you to talk about your loved one while they listen to you patiently. Those are the people who have been through this journey already and they facilitate you as guides in your healing process. They make you realize that even if we all are alone in this journey, then we are together in that too.

Slowly and steadily after going through each step, there might come a time wherein you realize that the person you lost never really goes as you have already internalized her/him in your thoughts, words, and actions. S/he is in your blood and bones. The person has survived in your soul and hence will always be alive within you. Your love for the person is eternal and in a way, you have not let the person die. And that's how you truly mean when you say.. "Never let you go". 

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

“Love – an exuberant feeling. Isn’t it? But, what happens when the person you love turns into a stranger; when your life partner is not able to feel your hurt anymore; when your painful cries leave no insignia of despondency on your partner’s heart. It feels as if the seas are withdrawing from its shores, mountains are falling flat on ground and the skies are engulfing the earth.”

This article may help you see a little light but before that let me narrate to you a story of a girl who wished for her Prince Charming. She was beautiful, intelligent, impulsive and liked to ‘think’ a lot. In order to prevent her heart from breaking she ostentatiously swore of never falling in love. She thought she deserved the best and accentuated on never settling for anything less than perfect. The male protagonist of this story was studying far away from his home. Reserved, intellectual, and rationalist were a few adjectives to pronounce him. 

Destiny played its trump card through a social networking site. Friendship blossomed within days and soon they became best of friends. Their bond developed so intense that they notoriously cursed destiny for not bringing them together early. With fierce yet unacknowledged love in their hearts, they kept looking for opportunities to confess. However, one day, they fought over nothing and ended up pouring their hearts to each other. 

Loving is never a problem, getting authentication for the same is. They soon realized that their love is not going to be an easy battle. It will encompass all sorts of fears, insecurities, differences, family issues etc. But how could they miss their only chance to marry the person they genuinely fell in love with. Though they were still in college, they firmly believed in their love for each other. Neither physical distance nor social barriers could keep them apart. Their love simply grew with each passing day.

As the years rolled by, their significant others got involved in their relationship and the locus of control slipped from their hands to their families’. Fears and insecurities hovered in their minds which suffocated their love for each other. A once beautiful love had now turned into a corpse whose burden they were forced to carry throughout their lives. Blame game, quarrels, ugly comments, disrespectful attitude were all part of their daily altercations. The boy faced difficulty in handling this emotional turbulence which transmuted him into a workaholic & insensitive person. For him, her words, tears and emotions mattered no longer. He compromised with their state and acted like a mannequin with an indifferent attitude towards their relationship. Situation grew further intense when the girl claimed her love and refused to let go of him. She held on to a hope that one day his heart will melt, the blinkers on his eyes will fall and he will eventually realize that he needs to unburden his pent up emotions, learn to let go of pain, learn to forgive and learn to love again. Little did she realize that she was holding on to an illusion. Her love had already gone! Usually great romances begin with war. In their case, it ended with war. 

The point I intend to make from this story is that pain is an indispensable component of love. Consider pain as a catalyst as it can extemporaneously destroy or strengthen the relationship. Which way your relationship go is contingent on factors like trust, commitment, honesty etc. Pain is not an outcome, but a process which facilitates your journey of growth. But, unrestrained pain is like a mad elephant. It can ruthlessly trample any person, relationship, dream, and goal coming its way. Failing to channelize it properly can cause massive destruction to a relationship. Pain, like death, is inevitable. Acknowledging pain of self and others can help one grow fonder and resonate deeper about self, other person and relationship. The more you run away from pain, the harder it will chase you (the girl tried her best to prevent her heart from breaking and in the end it shattered into pieces).

Communicating your pain and empathetically understanding the other person’s pain can save your relationship from unnecessary negativity and arguments. Remember to keep aside any standards of judgment for pain. If the other person refers to something as painful, believe it to be so with no efforts to rationalize. A particular event may be painful for some and not painful at all for others. Let pain/sorrow/hurt be subjective!  

One may question that is love and commitment for each other not enough to sustain a relationship? Both of them loved each other dearly, then what went wrong? The lovers in this story never tried to plunge into the pasts of their partners. They never tried to make sense of the words they wrote, the tears they cried, the songs they sang and the stories they narrated. All of it carried (as well as conveyed) an essence of the pain they once felt. They just got so busy in customizing their love to fit in the standards laid by society that they never tried to make their way to each other’s souls. Knowing someone’s soul leads you to love the person with each and every scar. This kind of love remains strong and unshaken!

And for all of you who want to know what happened in the end…Did they realize their love or parted ways? I have to disappoint you as I don’t know! I never got a chance to see this girl again. Sometimes, when I think about the couple even I wonder what would have happened in the end?

“Unfortunate are the ones who are parted from their lover, the more unfortunate are the ones who live with their lover without being loved” 

7 lessons I learned from a stuck elevator!

I had always wondered what it feels like to get stuck in an elevator in pitch dark. Strangely enough, like most of my dreams, thoughts, visions have sooner or later came true, perhaps this one could not wait any longer to transmute into reality. While stepping in the elevator at the third floor of a shopping store (name withheld) I could never think what the next 15 minutes of my life would be like. Surely! Life is unpredictable (Learning 1: Never underestimate the unpredictability factor in your life. It holds immense power to surprise, scare or shock you in ways you had never imagined). 

As soon as the elevator closed I started zipping the chain of my handbag (Yes, I have a careless habit of forgetting to zip my handbag. I welcome theft!) and with a sudden jerk the elevator stopped and the lights turned off. After a happy shopping experience, I was definitely not prepared for such an unusual episode. It took me a few seconds to realize that I am stuck in an elevator. My first reaction was to reach out for the emergency buttons but I could not see a thing. I searched for my phone in my handbag and flashed its light on the buttons. To my extreme horror, there was no emergency button in that lift! I immediately started banging the door for help but all I could hear in reply was weird silence. This silence was nothing less than creepy and horrifying. With each passing minute, I was losing control over my senses as my breath was getting shorter. For the first time in my life I felt claustrophobic. I could realize that the strength of the bangs on the door were getting weaker. I thought to call my loved ones before any mishap happens and at least narrate them the true incident. After all, nobody wants to die a death that conjures speculations. (Learning 2: We are obsessed with closures. We want a closure even after our death.)  

I dialed my landline number but immediately cut the call fearing that it would create a lot of panic among my family members. I consoled myself that it is just a situation and I am going to get out of it, alive! I reminded myself of the worst of phases that I have lived through and reassured that this is just a minor and refined version of all that (Learning 3: Once a psychologist, always a psychologist). Although now I feel that it was a scary yet not a dangerous situation; but in that very moment I was full of apprehensions which made me imagine the worst (Learning 4: We have the hardest laugh on situations which were the scariest. Believe me while writing this I am laughing it off). While imagining all this, I quickly typed a few texts which were supposed to convey my feelings to the people whom I love. I planned that in case there is no help for a long time and my breath became even weaker, then I am going to press the send button. I wanted to make sure that the most important people in my life know how much I love them (Learning 5: We never miss the last chance of saying ‘I LOVE YOU’ to the most assorted people of our life. Then why not say it in time?).

Surprisingly, as I leaned on the mirror of the elevator and closed my eyes to relax, this overwhelming claustrophobic experience did not shut my reflective mind. In fact, suddenly I found myself overly empathetic towards people who have died because of suffocation. Instead of figuring a way out of that elevator, my mind took me on an eerie journey to imagine the helplessness and vulnerability of those who met their fate through drowning or getting suffocated in a car, container, small room, or even worst, an elevator. (Learning 6: We often live our entire life in an illusion that we control everything. But the truth is that sometimes we can’t even control our little intangible mind!).

Empathy gave me a lot of courage, so much so that once again I gathered my strength, took a long breath and started banging and shouting out loud for help. This time I could hear the voice of a man rushing towards the door of the elevator. He told me that there was a power cut in the building and unfortunately the generator did not start. He said that the electrician is fixing it and the elevator would start any moment. I just took a sigh of relief and chanted my prayer to thank my lord. The moment the door opened, I could see a small crowd of workers gathered outside the elevator to see me. I assume that some were standing out of genuine sense of apology and regret whereas others joined in out of curiosity to see who that girl was who got stuck in the elevator. But nothing mattered to me at that moment, neither the apologies nor the crowd. The only thing that counted was fresh air and daylight. I have been living since so long but in that one moment I realized that I am alive. Somewhere that moment taught me the essence of existence. (Learning 7: We often live a life full of apprehensions, insecurities and fears that have no rational basis. Let go off all the negativity that is pulling you down and learn to acknowledge the sense of being alive. In case you are too lazy, then wait and watch as your life takes charge and place you in a situation where you learn these lessons the 'interesting' way).  

A ‘Royal Road’ to Psychology!

If your mind is often boggled by the way our brain processes information, how we learn, why we forget; how  we think, why  we feel , why  people react the way they do, etc.; then your quest is likely to be answered by Psychology.

Psychology is a science that helps us understand describe and predict human (and animal) behaviors. It also explains cognitive processes, affective states, experiences and states of consciousness. This study is growing dynamically with the ever evolving society. It is a multifaceted discipline which lies at the crossroads of other disciplines like biology, medicine, sociology, linguistics, medicine, anthropology, history and education as its content overlaps with other subjects, with unfailing regularity It is considered  both as a Science and a Social Science, even though a majority of schools, offer it  with the Humanities stream.

What is ‘not’ Psychology?

You may have heard a lot of notion about Psychology which are commonly constructed and concretize the already existing myths regarding Psychology. For instance, we often hear that psychology is a ‘luxury for the rich’ and that it does not have much scope in the Indian context.  It is essential to deconstruct these false notions prevalent about the subject, so that you can make a well informed career decision.

a)    Psychology will not help you read minds, or predict what the other person will do next. Psychology is not an occult science but it empowers you to derive meaning from the otherwise not so obvious situations.

b)     A lot of students perceive psychology as easy and think that it would require no hard work. As they say, there is no shortcut to success! Psychology includes a lot of understanding and critical thinking as the subject matter deals with humans. In most of the boards like CBSE, there is due weightage allotted to practical work as well. Psychology is a challenging yet interesting subject. You can succeed with your efforts and determination.

c)    

    Psychology is considered as sheer common sense. People think that psychologists get paid huge sums of money for listening and giving advice which their family and folks can also give. They think that psychologists waste their time researching about stuff which is typically common sense. Just because something seems true does not necessarily make it so.. Psychologists study these research questions in a scientific manner and predict human behaviors based on the results and observations. Our commonly held beliefs and attitudes are assessed for truth and falsehood in a rational and objective way.

d)  An interesting misconception is that psychology will help you hypnotize people and extract their private information against their wishes. Hypnotism is a special technique which is practiced by a particular school of thought and their therapists. Not every counselor or psychologist knows how to practice it.

So the next time you hear any such myth, don’t forget to debunk it. After all, awareness is contagious too!

Career Prospects

The increasingly complex world has helped opportunities for psychology graduates to grow manifold. These range from working in hospitals and schools to NGOs and corporate houses. An undergraduate course in Psychology is career oriented as it offers atheoretical understanding ofthe major schools of thought along with providing practical skills in psychometric testing and various psychological tools. Specializations in the areas of Social Psychology, Abnormal Psychology, Counseling Psychology, Organizational Behavior (OB), Rehabilitative Psychology, Health Psychology, Sports Psychology and Medical Psychology are available. Those of you who opt for Counseling Psychology can further specialize in marital counseling, child counseling, family counseling, drug rehabilitation and trauma counseling. 

You can add to your skills  by opting for additional courses like Special Education and learning disabilities which train you to become special educators; both in mainstream and  special schools. As a matter of fact, it is now mandatory for schools to employ both a counselor and a special educator. Given the complexity of managing and retaining human capital, there is a growing demand for psychologists in the corporate sector as well. An MBA degree preceded by graduation in psychology, preferably Human Resource Management, is well sought in corporates. Well-established companies seek such professionals for recruitment, training, talent management, and learning and development. Research analysts studying consumer behavior and market trends are also sought by market research companies.

One can pursue a career in journalism, public relations and advertising too. A specialization in forensic psychology can get jobs in police departments and crime branches. You can study social work and pursue careers in NGOs, family courts and social welfare organizations. Further specialization in child and women welfare, educational needs and criminal behavior can be obtained. 

There is a lot of scope to pursue career in academics as a researcher, school teacher and assistant professor. After post-graduation in Psychology one can pursue B. Ed. and work as a PGT Psychology or clear the National Eligibility Test (NET) which is held every six months for eligibility as an assistant professor by the University Grants Commission (UGC). UGC also qualifies the meritorious candidates for Junior Research Fund (JRF) for pursuing PhD.

Your career choice notwithstanding, there are a few basic prerequisite qualities and skills that you need to possess, for a successful career in Psychology. Firstly, you should have good interpersonal skills and an inherent interest in human behavior Secondly, you should be able to empathize with people, and be patient and tolerant to various situations. Apart from this, trustworthiness, open mindedness and emotional stability are also essential qualities of an effective psychologist.

Studying psychology will not only give you a wide spectrum of career options to choose from, but is also likely to add positivity and harmony to your life. Apart from the financial benefits, intrinsic satisfaction and rewarding relationships are almost certain with a career in Psychology. What else can one ask for!

This article is published here:  http://www.idreamcareer.com/career-as-a-psychologist/