Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

“Love – an exuberant feeling. Isn’t it? But, what happens when the person you love turns into a stranger; when your life partner is not able to feel your hurt anymore; when your painful cries leave no insignia of despondency on your partner’s heart. It feels as if the seas are withdrawing from its shores, mountains are falling flat on ground and the skies are engulfing the earth.”

This article may help you see a little light but before that let me narrate to you a story of a girl who wished for her Prince Charming. She was beautiful, intelligent, impulsive and liked to ‘think’ a lot. In order to prevent her heart from breaking she ostentatiously swore of never falling in love. She thought she deserved the best and accentuated on never settling for anything less than perfect. The male protagonist of this story was studying far away from his home. Reserved, intellectual, and rationalist were a few adjectives to pronounce him. 

Destiny played its trump card through a social networking site. Friendship blossomed within days and soon they became best of friends. Their bond developed so intense that they notoriously cursed destiny for not bringing them together early. With fierce yet unacknowledged love in their hearts, they kept looking for opportunities to confess. However, one day, they fought over nothing and ended up pouring their hearts to each other. 

Loving is never a problem, getting authentication for the same is. They soon realized that their love is not going to be an easy battle. It will encompass all sorts of fears, insecurities, differences, family issues etc. But how could they miss their only chance to marry the person they genuinely fell in love with. Though they were still in college, they firmly believed in their love for each other. Neither physical distance nor social barriers could keep them apart. Their love simply grew with each passing day.

As the years rolled by, their significant others got involved in their relationship and the locus of control slipped from their hands to their families’. Fears and insecurities hovered in their minds which suffocated their love for each other. A once beautiful love had now turned into a corpse whose burden they were forced to carry throughout their lives. Blame game, quarrels, ugly comments, disrespectful attitude were all part of their daily altercations. The boy faced difficulty in handling this emotional turbulence which transmuted him into a workaholic & insensitive person. For him, her words, tears and emotions mattered no longer. He compromised with their state and acted like a mannequin with an indifferent attitude towards their relationship. Situation grew further intense when the girl claimed her love and refused to let go of him. She held on to a hope that one day his heart will melt, the blinkers on his eyes will fall and he will eventually realize that he needs to unburden his pent up emotions, learn to let go of pain, learn to forgive and learn to love again. Little did she realize that she was holding on to an illusion. Her love had already gone! Usually great romances begin with war. In their case, it ended with war. 

The point I intend to make from this story is that pain is an indispensable component of love. Consider pain as a catalyst as it can extemporaneously destroy or strengthen the relationship. Which way your relationship go is contingent on factors like trust, commitment, honesty etc. Pain is not an outcome, but a process which facilitates your journey of growth. But, unrestrained pain is like a mad elephant. It can ruthlessly trample any person, relationship, dream, and goal coming its way. Failing to channelize it properly can cause massive destruction to a relationship. Pain, like death, is inevitable. Acknowledging pain of self and others can help one grow fonder and resonate deeper about self, other person and relationship. The more you run away from pain, the harder it will chase you (the girl tried her best to prevent her heart from breaking and in the end it shattered into pieces).

Communicating your pain and empathetically understanding the other person’s pain can save your relationship from unnecessary negativity and arguments. Remember to keep aside any standards of judgment for pain. If the other person refers to something as painful, believe it to be so with no efforts to rationalize. A particular event may be painful for some and not painful at all for others. Let pain/sorrow/hurt be subjective!  

One may question that is love and commitment for each other not enough to sustain a relationship? Both of them loved each other dearly, then what went wrong? The lovers in this story never tried to plunge into the pasts of their partners. They never tried to make sense of the words they wrote, the tears they cried, the songs they sang and the stories they narrated. All of it carried (as well as conveyed) an essence of the pain they once felt. They just got so busy in customizing their love to fit in the standards laid by society that they never tried to make their way to each other’s souls. Knowing someone’s soul leads you to love the person with each and every scar. This kind of love remains strong and unshaken!

And for all of you who want to know what happened in the end…Did they realize their love or parted ways? I have to disappoint you as I don’t know! I never got a chance to see this girl again. Sometimes, when I think about the couple even I wonder what would have happened in the end?

“Unfortunate are the ones who are parted from their lover, the more unfortunate are the ones who live with their lover without being loved”