Nirbhaya: India's Daughter

Since morning, an intensely fiery debate is going around on the social media over the much anticipated ban on the BBC documentary on Jyoti Singh a.k.a. Nirbhaya. After watching the documentary, I felt how most of us have trivialized the issue by focusing on the ban rather than contemplating the deeper concerns which the documentary entails. As women we all have gone through some or the other kind of molestation, be it physical, emotional or psychological. Every time we hear about a rape or an assault on a woman it stirs gut wrenching pain within us as it somehow evokes our own experience of pain, guilt, shame etc. There is a vicious cycle which induces emotions like guilt and shame, in order to pin us down to our own fears, so that we don’t pose as a threat to the convenient ways of living of the patriarchs.

For me, Nirbhaya represents the battle of courage v/s fear. Over centuries patriarchy has become so deeply enrooted within our psyches that it gets exceedingly inconvenient for most of the men and even, women to move towards the stance of equality. Women have to face tremendous resistance and pressure of various kinds in order to step out from their domestic inner space into the male dominant outer space. When women like Nirbhaya dare to overcome such fears to stand independent in society and express their freedom, men like these culprits feel extremely threatened. Their entire patriarchally driven cognitive schema of subjugating women and having a hold on them is challenged. Little do they realize that patriarchy suppresses not only women but men as well!

The shackles of patriarchy affect men in such unconscious and emotionally stirring ways that their immediate defense reaction is to curtail the freedom of women and ‘teach them a lesson’ as even mentioned by one of the rapists. Since childhood men are conditioned to avoid exercising their basic right to express, especially their emotions, in the name of being stronger and tougher than women. They have been taught that their sisters and mothers are weak and hence need their ‘protection’, so much so, that when grown up they end up assuming the role of ‘superiors’ or ‘moral police’ for women in their families as well as other women in the name of family/society/cultural honor. The emotions that were once suppressed as a great symbol of patriarchy, now turn into underlying fears, anxieties, rage etc. which when triggered along with other environmental and social circumstances manifest into extreme violence on others, mainly women.  

The situation has become so disastrous that our so called ‘Great Indian Society’ conveys this message loud and clear that, under certain influences, men in our culture have the potential as well as 'approval' to be brutally worse than monsters. They can behave heinously under the influences of alcohol, any substance use or provocation by women through her 'perceived' overt or covert behavior. As a logical human (and not a woman!) it seems totally irrational to buy the point that men rape because they are provoked by what clothes women wear, what time women are out, with whom they are out, where do they work etc.

This is to all men who are so blinded by their false sense of pride and ego of being a male, that they have lost all senses to reason: “Are you men so primitive that you have no control over your urges and drives? Are the so called patriarchs so gullible that they can’t take responsibility of their own actions? Do you need women to save you from committing crimes on them by staying at homes and wearing what you think will be non- provocative for you? Do you even realize how dumb that sounds? Let us say, we provoke you to rape us. What sort of provocation do infants, girl children, women with mental disorders and old women instigate? You still rape them! You know why? Because it has trickled down deep in your mentality to rape. It doesn’t matter to you what age we are, what clothes we wear, what time we are out, with whom we are out. The only thing that matters is that we are women with no rights over our bodies, actions, and ourselves and the only one having right over us is YOU! In your delusion of superiority, you have become inferior to animals because even animals don’t simply exist on pleasure principle, they dutifully adhere to the social norms of their kinfolks in a better way than you!”

Acknowledging all the efforts that have been done for protecting women and their rights, it is unfortunate that the collective mindset remains unchanged. As an educator, I feel extremely despondent to say that probably even education is not a solution to the stale mentality that the men of our society proudly herald. The so called ‘Educated’ lawyers of our country have shamelessly objectified women in their press statements by using metaphors like flowers, diamonds and gems for women that need to be kept in ‘proper’ place or else they will be taken away/spoilt/damaged. Another defense lawyer proclaimed that he will set alight his own sister/daughter in case she brings ‘disgrace’ to the family’s honor. Apart from that, I came across many educated men (and, even women) who still advocated that the consequences Nirbhaya faced were due to her ‘adventurous’ behavior of being out at 8 p.m. with her male friend. This makes me really cynical about how well education will/can bring a change in thinking at mass level.

The poignant question still remains: Is there any hope for rationality and sensitivity to prevail? Here, the indispensable understanding should be that this decayed mentality did not nurture in isolation, it is a by-product of our own shared mindsets that have been garnered within our homes and society at large. Hence, we need to acknowledge that the perpetrators of not only Nirbhaya, but each and every rape survivor, are one of us. 

As a psychologist, I strongly believe that apart from education, informed socialization of children, especially boys, is a pivotal aspect to create sensitivity towards other gender. Letting them acknowledge and express their own pain and emotions will shape them into sensitive and sensible men who are not controlled by outdated patriarchal mindsets but are positively driven by thoughtfulness and compassion.

Be a human, before being a man or a woman!