An Incredible Year with Pluto!

‘Being a mother’ in our culture is broadly synonymous with delivering a baby or adopting one. It is also denoted by socializing the child into one’s culture, loving him/her unconditionally and providing him with the best of everything. What we often miss to understand is that ‘motherhood’ is associated with any act of compassion and love. It could be towards anyone. For me, it is towards my little bundle of joy, Pluto.

I discovered my strong maternal instincts when I got home Pluto. His entry into my life and heart is completely credited to my husband. When we decided to take our relationship to the next level, I expressed my desire to have a dog at home. It was like an untouched chord that stuck both of us. Interestingly, both of us were dog lovers and always wanted to have a dog. To our utter dismay, both our families never permitted us to have one. The childhood desire to have a dog now turned into a much thought over responsibility to become pet parents even before marriage. Eventually, we took the call of getting home Pluto (who was just 25 days old).

Pluto stayed with me at my home. My mother who was really scared of dogs allowed him to stay with us as she knew that I will be getting married in a few months and will be taking him along. At that time, she had no idea about the magic of dogs! She never imagined that after a few months she will be completely in awe of him and in fact would miss him more than me. My younger brother grew really fond of Pluto and he was the one who took care of him in my absence pertaining to work commitments. He lovingly calls Pluto “Bad Boy”.

My experience of raising Pluto has been the most rewarding one so far. I apprehended that a puppy just like an infant, demands too much of care during his growing days. You have to be on your toes 24*7. The little sacrifices you make for him, the time that you devote towards him, the way you feed him etc. makes you grow fond of him with each passing day. If that’s still not enough, just watch him and you will instantly fall in love with the overwhelming cuteness!

There will be days when he will be so mischievous that it will be nerve wrecking. You would want to scold him badly but let me tell you the moment you will do so, he will act out such an adorable puppy face that it will induce terrible guilt for reprimanding him. The cherry on cake would be that after a while he will come up with something even more notorious. Basically, after a while your emotions will get confused over him and exhaust!

For Pluto it was chewing on our new sofas. Oh gosh! Hell was broken loose in our home that day. My mother was almost throwing Pluto and me out of her home. It took me and my brother days to calm her down and get the sofas mended. I can’t stop laughing when I think about that phase! However, as a pet parent it wouldn’t matter to you how much he spoils your furniture, wires, footwear etc., what matters is the truck loads of irresistible cuteness that he will spread in your life. Our entire life started revolving around him.

My husband is the most incredible dog father one can ever be. He never missed any of Pluto’s appointments with his vet. He used to take Pluto to his residence on weekends to enjoy their boys’ time which mainly consisted of Pluto’s bathing and sleeping (pun intended)!

Over the next few months, my brother and I over pampered Pluto. When Pluto turned 6 months old, we realized the need to discipline his ‘rowdy’ behaviour. This brings me to another episode (worth a mention) which happened, when Pluto literally scared away his trainer. On the fifth day, his trainer labelled him a ‘terrorist’ and called it quits! This was 2 months before our wedding. My husband then stepped in and took the responsibility of discipling him. He is the only person Pluto is scared of! Thankfully, Pluto is now a well behaved dog (with pangs of uncontrollable urge to chew on socks and shoes).

We had a special photo shoot arranged with Pluto during our wedding. How could he miss to be a part of our wedding!!

Actually, it was only after marriage that our best phase with Pluto began. It is really heartening to watch my husband and Pluto play every morning and evening. Sometimes when I am silently watching them, I wonder what if I wouldn’t have asked him to get us a dog. We would have been so incomplete without him. His presence in our lives is phenomenal. He binds us together with love and adorability. I don’t think we will ever love our child more than we love Pluto. For us he is our first baby!

 Today he completes one year in this extraordinary world which is so full of love and joy!

My Conversation with Love

 I was extremely shocked and disturbed when all of a sudden my facebook newsfeed was flooded with the news items pertaining to the alleged suicide of Pratyusha Banerjee. Admittedly, I have watched her TV serial Balika Vadhu with my mother and grandmother with fake reverence. Though my interest in her TV soap was obligatory, my admiration for her effortless augmentation to fame and glory at a tender age of 17 was genuine. With all fingers insinuating at her boyfriend's crucial role in her suicide, I was pondering over the things that go wrong with today’s love.

Blame it on media for the inappropriate portrayal of role models or on the unbridgeable gaps between parents and children, the understanding of the profound terms like love and happiness are horribly flawed. The connotation of happiness has been faultily rooted in the relatively fragile minds of the adolescents. If you ask them what it takes to make a happy person? Most of them will recommend only three ingredients: money, fame, and love (Read sex!).

Being a happily married girl with all the reasons to be content with my affectionate husband, I was stealthily expressing my grief over the lost meaning of love in today’s generation. While I was pondering over my thoughts, something strange happened! Love appeared before me. Yes, you read it right. I engaged in a meaningful and enriching dialogue with love. I am presenting a few excerpts from my conversations with Love in the form of an open letter from Love.

Dear Reader,

 I am sure till now you must have experienced me in various shades and hues. I take this as an opportunity to express how I experience myself from your hearts. I am sharing below my feelings regarding how I am being perceived in today’s world. 

 Of course I love you Darling!

 “Hey wait! Love.. umm what?” ……. “Oh! You mean sex”

 Contrary to the earlier notion about me which denoted unflinching commitment and devotion, nowadays you often find me wrapped in a pack of condoms. In the 21^st century I am condensed to conditions and convenience. People stick to each other for all reasons other than me! Reasons over! I am over! I am just a mutually agreed upon “Terms & Conditions” which nobody really bothers to read (abide). I am the most accused when it comes to incompatibilities, heartbreaks and choices gone wrong!

Of course I love you till I am successful! 

 In the race between career and I, career wins! Look at all the tragic suicides of the most famous and beautiful women, you will realize that no man ever chose me over his career. When someone decides to end their life, is it logical to curse me? I am not responsible for your “close to perfect, fairy tale-ish” notions of love. Better go and blame the so called popular romantic films for promoting the truncated worth of women in a man’s life. Remember the dialogue from a popular Hindi film 'Life mein teen cheezon ke peeche kabhi mat bhagna.. bus, train aur chokri. Ek jati hai doosri aati hai'?? Don’t grieve that your man treated you like a tissue paper, instead please think that why did you allow him to do so in the name of love?

 Of course I love you till I find someone else

 Your fleeting feelings of lust appear to be pure and pious by bearing my tag. You swear on me to get her body and when your interest in her weakens, you stop treating her with what she deserves. You tell her that my presence is no more there in your relationship! Ask yourself, when was I present in your heart anyway? When your parallel hunt for another body (of course in the guise of my name!) is accomplished, you don’t hesitate to present me as a reason for breaking your girl’s heart. You convince the next girl on my pretext and serves your craving for variety which has sneaked into your bones and blood. For you, I am variety! 

 Of course I am dying, sooner than you think

 Considering the handful of people who still believe in me, I wish I could live longer. All I can see is my impending death by “lovers” who have given various meanings to my existence without realizing what I really am. I don’t signify mindless and misfortunate deaths, I signify living for each other, with each other. I don’t connote a vulgarized culture swearing by me with bottles of alcohol down their throats. I am also not depicted in expensive gifts and luxurious travels and lifestyles, I survive in the heart of that person who has the fervent ability to love the wo/man for a lifetime. I acknowledge that my traditional self is considered to be unreasonable and unfeasible by today’s young lovers. However, I still miss my old self where I existed in the hearts and spirits of the people, where I was regarded genuine and where my existence in someone’s life really meant the world to them! The current trends of my presence only point towards my doomed future where I will be vehemently murdered for allegedly causing “failure in relationships and marriages”.

 Sincerely,

Love

Breaking boundaries: A Humanistic Perspective

The entire idea of creating boundaries is very notorious. It is just to create social exclusion on the basis of race, religion, caste, sex etc. We are all humans and in most communities of the world the earth is considered as our nurturing mother. Being the egotistical children of earth, we believe that it is our right to draw boundaries on her bosom, thus setting areas for our movements and interactions. The parameters of differences set by us are so large in numbers that it seems very difficult to identify with people from across boundaries. Sometimes, I wonder what good do we extract in marking territories? 

Take a moment and think of a world with no boundaries. No maps. No LOCS/borders to be guarded. No greed to colonise other lands. What if we suddenly wake up to a world like this? Where you can go freely to any part on the earth without having to go through the hassles of visa and long security checks. A world where everyone is welcomed with smile on lips and warmth in hearts. A world where there is no 'us v/s them'. A world where we are not Indians, Pakistanis, Chinese etc. but we are all simply 'Earthians'. 

As much as this may seem logically impractical; the least that could be done is to prevent the minds of people from getting polluted with the ideas of social exclusivity. In our world, being born in a particular religion, caste, country, with a skin complexion, sex etc. puts certain people at a superior and privileged status. If at all any ideology needs to be considered, why can't it be of social inclusiveness? Irrespective of any social demographic or physical difference, why can't everyone be viewed with a lens of love and respect? 

Stop propagating nationalism in the name of mindless politics. True nationalism is to understand our rich heritage and spread some knowledge among the fellow countrymen. Perhaps the so called 'nationalists' wouldn't know (or don't want to realize) that India, since centuries, believe in 'Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam' which is described in Maha Upanishad meaning the world is one large family. 

Don't we all experience differences of opinions in our families? But do we tag our family members with different perspectives as anti family? No. Then why do we don't bother to think even twice before labelling fellow countrymen with different opinions as anti-nationals? Heights of unfairness! There are thousands of anti-nationals (and anti humans) not only in our country but in the entire world under the garb of nationalists and peace makers. But do we even use our minds to identify them? I am not saying that anti nationals shouldn't be punished or publicly brought out. My point is that lot of thinking and mindfulness should go into the process before labelling people as anti nationals so that any person with simply a different opinion from ours shouldn't be forcefully put in the category of 'anti nationals'. 

If having this set of beliefs qualify me as an anti national, then let it be. We don't need to prove our love for our country to anyone. I would like to specially mention here that I strongly condemn terrorism or any anti human activity but fighting in the name of assumed patriotism is not what i can ever support. It is a waste of time and resources. Patriotism is something highly intrinsic which needs no words to express. It is well reflected in actions. The world needs so much of action oriented people and responsible media but getting involved in such controversial issues deplete our time, energy and resources. 

I am a proud Indian but before that i am a human because that's what i am born as. It doesn't matter what race, colour, religion, country, sex you are born into as long as you can remain grounded to your basic biology i.e. being born as a human. 

The rule to live should be simple: Don't let your country down and don't pull other countries down. Love and respect all. Appreciate Diversity not only in culture but also in thinking. Spread Love. Because that's what we all need.

Love will keep Us Together

Broken and shattered Asmi was somehow striving to lead a happy life when she met the charming and successful guitarist, Aditya. Poles apart yet alike, they shared a chemistry on which historical lovers can swear. Sooner than they realized both of them were incredibly in love. Asmi’s beauty and femininity immensely complemented Aditya’s charismatic and suave personality. It was not only Asmi whose life took a beautiful turn; Aditya, too, was on cloud nine. Asmi’s love for soulful writing soon became the inspiration behind Aditya’s music. Songs composed by him mounted to the top of popular chartbusters.

Asmi’s graceful and poised nature was in perfect match with Aditya's random and crazy lifestyle. Their meeting was like a chemical reaction between their personalities, where both of them were transformed to be better individuals. He was her rising sun and she was her gentle moon. Soon after being in love Aditya decided to get married to her. By now, Asmi had forgotten all the scars she borne from her former love. She had broken all the promises she made to herself of never falling in love again. This was not really the first time when she dared to follow her heart but it was certainly a life changing move for her.

It was Asmi's birthday in a few days and for Aditya it was a very special day. After all it had been quite some years since he celebrated his birthday. The last time he celebrated his birthday was when he was in college. During his college life, he could be easily classified as a Casanova having many flings and casual affairs, out of which he was serious twice but each time he was doubtful about a lifelong commitment. Both his ex-girlfriends were married now, and he somehow mentally accepted a lifetime of loneliness for himself when he met Asmi. So the occasion of Asmi’s birthday was a significant event for him. He chose this day to ask her parents for her hand in marriage.

Jittery and anxious, he knocked at Asmi’s door at 12 am. He thoroughly rehearsed this scene, at least a thousand times, in his mind while preparing answers for all the possible questions her parents might ask him. Asmi’s mother opened the door.

Aditya said in a soft voice, “Aunty! I came to wish Asmi for her birthday. Is she home?”

“Damn what are you saying Aditya. Of course she would be at home at 12 am. Just calm down. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Repeat”, he murmured to himself.

“Yes, I will just call her. Please come inside beta”.

Asmi came out rubbing her eyes. She was not very fond of celebrating birthdays at midnight. It was like an ordinary night for her when she read her favorite book till 11 pm and slept.

“Adi! How come you are here at this time? I told you I will see you tomorrow.”

“Asmi, apart from wishing you birthday I have a surprise for you too.”

“What is that?”

By now her dad and younger sister had also came out in the hall. Aditya nodded to greet everyone and said, “I have a surprise for you all.”

He sat on his knees in front of Asmi and held her hand.

“Asmi, I am madly in love with you. You have lighten up my life with your presence. Life has never been this meaningful for me. I want to marry you but before that (he turned to face her parents), I want to ask your parents whether they will accept me as a part of their family. Uncle and Aunty, I promise to give lots of happiness and love to your daughter. To me, she is more precious than my life. I can’t imagine to live without her. Please let me marry her.”

Seeing Aditya’s love for their daughter, Asmi’s parents had tears in their eyes. Contradictory to what he expected, Asmi’s parents readily accepted their relationship and his proposal. Aditya hugged her parents and expressed his gratitude.

“The surprises are yet not over.”

“Now what, jiju? Don’t spoil Asmi by so many surprises”, said Asmi’s sister teasingly.

“This one is a very special surprise. Asmi close your eyes please.”

Aditya quickly played a video on his phone. It was Aditya’s family wishing her birthday and welcoming her to their family. Asmi was overwhelmed with happiness and tears rolled down her cheek. She hugged Aditya and buried herself in his chest. He gently held her face in his hands and planted a kiss on her forehead.

***

Asmi could not believe her fortune for having Aditya's love in her life. She started believing in destiny more. Every day while thanking her stars for being in love with him, she also feared separation from Aditya. Though there were no signs of threat on their love, she still could never convince herself that everything would go on well. 

Soon they were engaged and their wedding date was fixed. Aditya was not at home when the pundit declared their wedding day. She ran into her room and picked her phone to intimate Aditya but then disconnected the call thinking that she would surprise him. Without wasting a moment, she got ready and rushed to meet Aditya. When she reached his office, she was informed that Aditya was in a meeting and she was asked to wait for a few minutes. She planned to get his favourite cake for him from a nearby bakery.

"Write 'My Adi, with love your would-be wife'", dictated Asmi to the bakery boy.

She picked the cake and ran towards his office. While imagining the look on his face when he will read those words on the cake, she completely forgot to look at the other side of the road. She was engrossed in Aditya’s thoughts when a speeding Scorpio XUV came from the wrong side and rammed her. The cake fell far away towards Aditya's car whereas Asmi was trundled on the other side of the road. Her head banged with the pavement and she immediately lost consciousness. She was bleeding profusely. People swarmed like bees near her, but nobody was willing to take her to the hospital. After all who wants to undergo the trouble of legal and medical formalities? A bunch of old women coming back from their evening walk quickly attended to her bleeding wounds and one of them called the ambulance and informed the police. The driver of the Scorpio XUV who was not more than a 30 year old man was captivated by the crowd and people handed him over to the police.

In the meanwhile Aditya got to know that a young lady has met with an accident right outside his office premises. Being completely unaware of the woman’s identity, he rushed out to offer help but couldn't even see her face due to heavy crowd. Within seconds, the ward boys put Asmi in the ambulance and rushed her to the hospital. 

As Aditya was going inside his office, he somehow felt like calling Asmi. While he was dialing her number, he saw the damaged cake near his car. He went near it and as soon as he read the distorted words, tremors struck his entire body. It didn't take him more than a second to realize that the young lady was none other than Asmi. He ran after the ambulance and after running for 8 kms he reached the hospital where Asmi was admitted. Panting and short of breath, he inquired about the accident victim at the reception. He was shown the way to the ICU. He tried to forcibly trespass the ICU when he was dragged out by the nurses and ward boys. The 'affluent and rich music composer' was now begging on his knees to catch a glimpse of the young lady with a bleak hope that it was not his Asmi. On seeing his plight, the doctors allowed him to peep through a glass hole in the door. With crossed fingers and diminishing courage, he looked through the glass. All he saw was Asmi lying lifeless in a pool of blood and doctors trying to revive her almost ‘dead’ body. He fell numb on ground and started screaming at God (Read ceiling) "Why her? Why not me? You gotta a problem with me, right? Take me with you. Leave her. Please. I beg you." 

After a wait of more than 3 hours, the senior doctor called Aditya in his cabin. He offered him water and said, “We have done our level best. Now rest everything is on God. Still, I suggest that you should call your relatives.”

“Don’t say that. Do anything, just save her. Take as much money as you want but save her. She is my life. We are engaged and would be marrying soon.”

“Money can't make miracles happen, son. She has suffered intense external and internal injuries. Her brain’s CT scan shows injuries to her frontal and temporal lobes. We are yet not sure whether her limbic system is damaged in the accident. Till she gains consciousness; which might be in one day, one month or one year; it is difficult to say whether she will be able to lead a normal life or not. Marriage is not even a consideration right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“In such cases, there is a huge risk of patients losing their abilities to perform day to day functions, think, communicate and move around in the world. She may be completely dependent. Her behavior may get completely bizarre and unpredictable. She may not even recognize you as there could be partial or total amnesia. All we can do is to pray and wait.”

Aditya left his cabin with a heavy heart. His life had come to a still but he had to do a heavier task of informing the families. Asmi’s mother reached the hospital in a state of shock whereas her father almost collapsed on the floor after seeing Asmi in CCU. Aditya’s family could not accept the tragedy that doomed upon their son and his would-be wife. They told him how happy Asmi was when she left from home to meet him. She had specially requested everybody to not disclose their wedding date to Aditya as she wanted to surprise him.

Aditya cried vociferously for a while and then suddenly got up to rush to the police station with blood in his eyes for the man who has led his Asmi in this condition. He got to know that the accused was heavily under the influence of alcohol. Due to Aditya’s popularity, he was allowed to meet the culprit in the company of two policemen.

Another shock awaited him as he entered the dingy and poorly lit cell of the jail. As the accused turned around to see the men who entered his cell, Aditya was taken aback to find his college buddy Vikram Roy. Together, they used to drink and party like animals. There was no bar, no night club, no party adda that was unknown to them. While Aditya matured with age, Vikram was still a party freak and an alcoholic.

Vikram rushed to him and said, “yar Aditya, please bacha le mujhe. Ek ladki pata nahi kahan se meri gadi se takra gayi. Bhai maine pii zaroor rakhi thi par maine break maarne ki koshish kari, par tab tak woh gadi se takra chuki thi.”

Aditya stood there like a mannequin looking away. His life seemed to freeze so as his body.

“Pata nahi kahan dhyaan tha uska!! Dekhke road cross nahi kar sakti thi. Khud toh hospital pahuchi, mujhe jail pahucha diya……Bhai tu kuch bol kyun nahi raha? Kahiin mar var toh nahi gayi who ladki?”

On hearing these words, Aditya slapped him with tremendous force. Vikram fell on the wooden chair placed in a corner. 

“She is my fiancé and I love her too much. Agar use kuch bhi hua, toh main khud teri jaan le lunga.Aur ek baat…Galti uski nahi, teri thi. Sharaab pii ke galat side se tu aaya tha.”

Vikram managed to get up and aggressively uttered,“Saale dost ko bhool gaya ek ladki ke chakkar mein. Pehli baar thodi pyaar hua hai tujhe! Kitni ladkiyaan aake chali gayi teri zindagi se. Bhool gaya kaise sari raat hum daaru peete the, tab kisiki jaan ki parwah nahi hui tujhe. Aaj is ladki ke liye itna kyun tadap raha hai ki apne jigri dost pe haath utha diya tune, jaan se maarne ki dhamkee bhi di…Jaa nahi chahiye tere jaisa dost.”

By this time Aditya had completely lost his temper and got violent with Vikram again. The policemen had to forcibly bring him out of the cell. Aditya was burning with anger when we paced out of the police station towards his car. It was raining heavily and his hands shivered while touching the steering wheel. Chills ran down his spine as the reality behind Vikram’s words began to strike him. He was haunted by the flashes from the nights when they used to heavily drink and rashly drive to flaunt their manhood to impress girls. He realized how many lives he risked for his trivial pleasures. 

He envisaged himself standing at the edge of a cliff in a completely drunk state while his eyes and mind were slowly rolling into slumber. He visualized the faces of his previous girlfriends who were crying in agony when he left them. On carefully looking into each one’s eyes, Aditya noticed that they were actually laughing at his helplessness. He fell on his knees and dumped his face in his palms. He was about to jump off that cliff when Asmi suddenly appeared from nowhere. She was looking beautiful as ever and her face was radiating a Divine glow.

“Please don’t go Asmi. I will die without you. You know that I am a changed man now! I want to live my life with you.”

“I know my love, but somebody has to bear the consequences of the misdeeds.”

“But why you Asmi? Why not me? After all it was me who has caused so much pain to others.”

“Adi! It’s because I love you very much! You are mine. Your virtues and vices are mine. Your good and bad deeds are mine. And their consequences are mine too. I chose to take away all your sins and I am leaving behind my love and lot of memories. You will live for me Adi. Won’t you?”

“Asmi….Let me not answer this. I…”

His phone rang to wake him from his siesta. His mother was on the other side. 

“Aditya come quickly. Asmi has gained consciousness and she is reiterating your name. That means she has not lost her memory. She remembers you, my son! I told you to have faith in God.” 

At once he rushed to the hospital. He entered the CCU wearing a mask. Her once beautiful body was pierced and confined by the tubes coming out from the ventilator which was her 'apparent' life support system. He sat beside her, and carefully picked her hand so as to not disturb the tubes inserted in her body. She looked at him and tried to give him a comforting smile.

Aditya wiped his tears and spoke in a cracked voice, “I knew you will be alright Asmi. I knew that you will remember everything about our love. My Asmi can never leave her Adi alone! You remember every moment spent with me, every time I made you laugh, I teased you, I made you eat with my hands, I made you sleep in my arms. Don’t you?”

Asmi nodded with her eyes.

“Our love is embedded too deep in our minds and souls, for accidents to erase it from our memories.” 

She looked straight into his eyes for a long while without blinking. Though her entire body was giving up on her but he could see the same spark in her eyes which he saw the first time he met her. Looking into her eyes, he immediately understood that Asmi was slipping away from the hands of life. He made no conscious effort to either call the doctors or say her things. He knew that the futile medical efforts would pain her more and interrupt with her peaceful journey from this life to the next. He also knew that his presence with her is worth his thousand words. He wanted to maintain the serenity of her last moments. That was his last gift to her, to let her pass away in peace. 

Aditya gently stroked the skin of her cheek which was visible through bandages covering her distorted face. He touched the marks on her cheeks and at once felt huge pain in his heart.

"I love you, times infinity". 

"How long is times infinity?" she managed to ask.

He said, "Sometimes it’s just a second."

After a few minutes, when the nurse came to bring Aditya outside the ICU, she saw Aditya lying next to Asmi. Asmi's arms were wrapped tightly around Aditya, inhibiting his movement. The nurse was just about to consider this pleasant sight as a positive sign when she happened to see Asmi's ECG monitor. It displayed a straight line!

On seeing Aditya hugging Asmi, she had tears in her eyes. She comprehended that Aditya had not even realized that Asmi is dead. She went closer to Aditya and patted on his shoulder. Aditya did not respond. When she tried to separate Aditya from Asmi’s body, she screamed in horror as he fell lifeless on the floor. While Asmi succumbed to her injuries, Aditya’s autopsy suggested a cardiac arrest.  

That night Aditya chose to die with his love. Surviving without her would have meant dying without her every day. Dying with her meant eternalizing their love! 

 

Divine Song

I hear the divine song every night 

Sung by beautiful Higher Beings

Melody asserts His love and might

Describing the starry rings ..... 

I dream of floating in the infinite universe

Searching other souls of my tribe 

I would sing them my favourite verse

And would hear the anecdotes they describe ..... 

Touch of the white divine light on my body 

Would heal my pain and suffering 

Lift me up to a place so calm and steady 

I would let go off the earthly emotional string .... 

I appreciate the Divine for giving us death

As it is a journey to the land of love and bliss

Healing the soul from earthly ego and wrath 

Like thirsty land receives rain's first sweet kiss .....

Reasons to be in love with an Entrepreneur

There is a lot of negative air around entrepreneurs and relationships. It is considered that dating an entrepreneur is like dating a ‘zombie’. Let me tell you that they have goals, emotions, needs etc. like all of us and they are in no way any less of a human. Their mindsets to look at various aspects of life from a unique perspective, and a pressing desire to bring about a positive change in the world set them apart from others.

Following are the points which explain why I feel that it is absolutely incredible to be in love with an entrepreneur:

1.     Flatter you with Innovative Love Strategies: If you’re the kind of woman who is not simply flattered by materialistic gifts, he is the guy for you. He would use all his groundbreaking ideas to direct happiness your way, even if that means going out of the way. By the way, you can expect him in your balcony at 2 am for a surprise ‘I love you’!

2.     Amaze you with his Memory: If you are in love with an entrepreneur, you would never crib about spoiled anniversaries (due to forgetfulness) because when it comes to remembering days and dates, he would give you a tough competition! He would vividly remember the first I love you, the first kiss, the first (and last) of everything, and all your conversations and moments. If your memory is not as strong, it’s never too late to start eating almonds and marking special dates on the calendar!

3.     Congratulations! You just found a Santa: Since entrepreneurs are the people who love to take up challenges, he would do anything to fulfill your crazy demands. No matter how stupid, bizarre or unbelievable your wishes are, assume that they are fulfilled. He will be your personal Santa! Ho Ho Ho!

4.     Push you hard to strive for excellence: They believe in giving more than their 100%. Once he has strong feelings for you, he would constantly motivate you to attain your maximum potential. Don’t misinterpret that he wants to change you or you are not enough for him. It is far from truth. You are already much more than what he ever imagined. It is just his way of showing his love and care for you. He truly wants you to live a life of your dreams. Seeing you suffer in life would be a reminder of his own struggle. Just believe in his belief in you and proceed ahead to grow together. Remember not to worry while pursuing your dreams, as he will always stand behind you to catch you if you fall.

5.     Drama free relationship: It’s time to ditch your ‘drama queen’ image as your entrepreneur guy would not have time for unnecessary drama and disputes. He would want to make the best of every second as he knows the value of time. Every moment spent with him would be special. His sincerity and straightforwardness would be something, you will admire all your life.

6.     Know you better than anyone else: Don’t be surprised if you feel extraordinarily attached to him quite early. His profession demands him to study humans to the core otherwise his business would fall flat. He would spend time in studying every fine detail of your beautiful mind. You will be astonished as, with time, he would know you better than you know yourself. Be careful, as he soon may start reading your mind too!

7.     You become a part of their experiential world: By default, entrepreneurs are amazing storytellers. He would have innumerable stories to share with you from his overabundant experiences. Expecting random talks and gossips from him would be an indicator of your naivety. He would talk pure sense. You will simply admire his intellect. You can just sit all day and listen to him talk. With him, your time will fly on a jet!

8.     Never Give Up on You: He is likely to stand by you even in your nastiest phases as he has already handled lot of things at his worst. He has traveled a hard way to reach where he is, even harder than what he might have initially imagined. He will stick by you even if that would mean fighting the entire world. And for that you will love your ‘knight in shining armor’ even more!

9.     Your love is likely to last: An entrepreneur would do anything to sustain what he loves, whether it is his work or his relationship. Once they start something, they are likely to fulfill it. This will most likely be the deepest relationship of your life. They enjoy depths in every aspect of their lives including their relationships. The deeper you dive with him, the richer your bond will be. He will strive hard to balance everything, sometimes even beyond what he can handle. You can just relax as he will step forward and make everything work!

Before rushing to pick up your phone to call that entrepreneur guy (you like), make sure to contemplate on the last point:

10.  Are you the one for him? : Before rushing in a relationship with an entrepreneur, understand that for him it’s not just work. Every move he makes impacts REAL LIFE HUMAN BEINGS. His dreams are way bigger than what he is doing today. Most of the times his work would be his priority and shouldn’t it be as it is no longer about him? It is impacting thousands of humans out there. The work pattern in his life would be like a pendulum swinging between working less to being totally consumed in work. If you can’t accept and appreciate his work, or if you want constant attention from your guy; then you are surely not the one for him!

Most of the times his mind would be struggling with self-doubts, concerns about the kind of work he is doing and its consequences. Instead of reaffirming them, make sure to encourage and support him. He has struggled a long way alone. Now it’s time for him to have a loving companion by his side!  

This article is also published at Women's Web: http://www.womensweb.in/2015/06/10-reasons-fall-love-entrepreneur/

Nirbhaya: India's Daughter

Since morning, an intensely fiery debate is going around on the social media over the much anticipated ban on the BBC documentary on Jyoti Singh a.k.a. Nirbhaya. After watching the documentary, I felt how most of us have trivialized the issue by focusing on the ban rather than contemplating the deeper concerns which the documentary entails. As women we all have gone through some or the other kind of molestation, be it physical, emotional or psychological. Every time we hear about a rape or an assault on a woman it stirs gut wrenching pain within us as it somehow evokes our own experience of pain, guilt, shame etc. There is a vicious cycle which induces emotions like guilt and shame, in order to pin us down to our own fears, so that we don’t pose as a threat to the convenient ways of living of the patriarchs.

For me, Nirbhaya represents the battle of courage v/s fear. Over centuries patriarchy has become so deeply enrooted within our psyches that it gets exceedingly inconvenient for most of the men and even, women to move towards the stance of equality. Women have to face tremendous resistance and pressure of various kinds in order to step out from their domestic inner space into the male dominant outer space. When women like Nirbhaya dare to overcome such fears to stand independent in society and express their freedom, men like these culprits feel extremely threatened. Their entire patriarchally driven cognitive schema of subjugating women and having a hold on them is challenged. Little do they realize that patriarchy suppresses not only women but men as well!

The shackles of patriarchy affect men in such unconscious and emotionally stirring ways that their immediate defense reaction is to curtail the freedom of women and ‘teach them a lesson’ as even mentioned by one of the rapists. Since childhood men are conditioned to avoid exercising their basic right to express, especially their emotions, in the name of being stronger and tougher than women. They have been taught that their sisters and mothers are weak and hence need their ‘protection’, so much so, that when grown up they end up assuming the role of ‘superiors’ or ‘moral police’ for women in their families as well as other women in the name of family/society/cultural honor. The emotions that were once suppressed as a great symbol of patriarchy, now turn into underlying fears, anxieties, rage etc. which when triggered along with other environmental and social circumstances manifest into extreme violence on others, mainly women.  

The situation has become so disastrous that our so called ‘Great Indian Society’ conveys this message loud and clear that, under certain influences, men in our culture have the potential as well as 'approval' to be brutally worse than monsters. They can behave heinously under the influences of alcohol, any substance use or provocation by women through her 'perceived' overt or covert behavior. As a logical human (and not a woman!) it seems totally irrational to buy the point that men rape because they are provoked by what clothes women wear, what time women are out, with whom they are out, where do they work etc.

This is to all men who are so blinded by their false sense of pride and ego of being a male, that they have lost all senses to reason: “Are you men so primitive that you have no control over your urges and drives? Are the so called patriarchs so gullible that they can’t take responsibility of their own actions? Do you need women to save you from committing crimes on them by staying at homes and wearing what you think will be non- provocative for you? Do you even realize how dumb that sounds? Let us say, we provoke you to rape us. What sort of provocation do infants, girl children, women with mental disorders and old women instigate? You still rape them! You know why? Because it has trickled down deep in your mentality to rape. It doesn’t matter to you what age we are, what clothes we wear, what time we are out, with whom we are out. The only thing that matters is that we are women with no rights over our bodies, actions, and ourselves and the only one having right over us is YOU! In your delusion of superiority, you have become inferior to animals because even animals don’t simply exist on pleasure principle, they dutifully adhere to the social norms of their kinfolks in a better way than you!”

Acknowledging all the efforts that have been done for protecting women and their rights, it is unfortunate that the collective mindset remains unchanged. As an educator, I feel extremely despondent to say that probably even education is not a solution to the stale mentality that the men of our society proudly herald. The so called ‘Educated’ lawyers of our country have shamelessly objectified women in their press statements by using metaphors like flowers, diamonds and gems for women that need to be kept in ‘proper’ place or else they will be taken away/spoilt/damaged. Another defense lawyer proclaimed that he will set alight his own sister/daughter in case she brings ‘disgrace’ to the family’s honor. Apart from that, I came across many educated men (and, even women) who still advocated that the consequences Nirbhaya faced were due to her ‘adventurous’ behavior of being out at 8 p.m. with her male friend. This makes me really cynical about how well education will/can bring a change in thinking at mass level.

The poignant question still remains: Is there any hope for rationality and sensitivity to prevail? Here, the indispensable understanding should be that this decayed mentality did not nurture in isolation, it is a by-product of our own shared mindsets that have been garnered within our homes and society at large. Hence, we need to acknowledge that the perpetrators of not only Nirbhaya, but each and every rape survivor, are one of us. 

As a psychologist, I strongly believe that apart from education, informed socialization of children, especially boys, is a pivotal aspect to create sensitivity towards other gender. Letting them acknowledge and express their own pain and emotions will shape them into sensitive and sensible men who are not controlled by outdated patriarchal mindsets but are positively driven by thoughtfulness and compassion.

Be a human, before being a man or a woman!

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

“Love – an exuberant feeling. Isn’t it? But, what happens when the person you love turns into a stranger; when your life partner is not able to feel your hurt anymore; when your painful cries leave no insignia of despondency on your partner’s heart. It feels as if the seas are withdrawing from its shores, mountains are falling flat on ground and the skies are engulfing the earth.”

This article may help you see a little light but before that let me narrate to you a story of a girl who wished for her Prince Charming. She was beautiful, intelligent, impulsive and liked to ‘think’ a lot. In order to prevent her heart from breaking she ostentatiously swore of never falling in love. She thought she deserved the best and accentuated on never settling for anything less than perfect. The male protagonist of this story was studying far away from his home. Reserved, intellectual, and rationalist were a few adjectives to pronounce him. 

Destiny played its trump card through a social networking site. Friendship blossomed within days and soon they became best of friends. Their bond developed so intense that they notoriously cursed destiny for not bringing them together early. With fierce yet unacknowledged love in their hearts, they kept looking for opportunities to confess. However, one day, they fought over nothing and ended up pouring their hearts to each other. 

Loving is never a problem, getting authentication for the same is. They soon realized that their love is not going to be an easy battle. It will encompass all sorts of fears, insecurities, differences, family issues etc. But how could they miss their only chance to marry the person they genuinely fell in love with. Though they were still in college, they firmly believed in their love for each other. Neither physical distance nor social barriers could keep them apart. Their love simply grew with each passing day.

As the years rolled by, their significant others got involved in their relationship and the locus of control slipped from their hands to their families’. Fears and insecurities hovered in their minds which suffocated their love for each other. A once beautiful love had now turned into a corpse whose burden they were forced to carry throughout their lives. Blame game, quarrels, ugly comments, disrespectful attitude were all part of their daily altercations. The boy faced difficulty in handling this emotional turbulence which transmuted him into a workaholic & insensitive person. For him, her words, tears and emotions mattered no longer. He compromised with their state and acted like a mannequin with an indifferent attitude towards their relationship. Situation grew further intense when the girl claimed her love and refused to let go of him. She held on to a hope that one day his heart will melt, the blinkers on his eyes will fall and he will eventually realize that he needs to unburden his pent up emotions, learn to let go of pain, learn to forgive and learn to love again. Little did she realize that she was holding on to an illusion. Her love had already gone! Usually great romances begin with war. In their case, it ended with war. 

The point I intend to make from this story is that pain is an indispensable component of love. Consider pain as a catalyst as it can extemporaneously destroy or strengthen the relationship. Which way your relationship go is contingent on factors like trust, commitment, honesty etc. Pain is not an outcome, but a process which facilitates your journey of growth. But, unrestrained pain is like a mad elephant. It can ruthlessly trample any person, relationship, dream, and goal coming its way. Failing to channelize it properly can cause massive destruction to a relationship. Pain, like death, is inevitable. Acknowledging pain of self and others can help one grow fonder and resonate deeper about self, other person and relationship. The more you run away from pain, the harder it will chase you (the girl tried her best to prevent her heart from breaking and in the end it shattered into pieces).

Communicating your pain and empathetically understanding the other person’s pain can save your relationship from unnecessary negativity and arguments. Remember to keep aside any standards of judgment for pain. If the other person refers to something as painful, believe it to be so with no efforts to rationalize. A particular event may be painful for some and not painful at all for others. Let pain/sorrow/hurt be subjective!  

One may question that is love and commitment for each other not enough to sustain a relationship? Both of them loved each other dearly, then what went wrong? The lovers in this story never tried to plunge into the pasts of their partners. They never tried to make sense of the words they wrote, the tears they cried, the songs they sang and the stories they narrated. All of it carried (as well as conveyed) an essence of the pain they once felt. They just got so busy in customizing their love to fit in the standards laid by society that they never tried to make their way to each other’s souls. Knowing someone’s soul leads you to love the person with each and every scar. This kind of love remains strong and unshaken!

And for all of you who want to know what happened in the end…Did they realize their love or parted ways? I have to disappoint you as I don’t know! I never got a chance to see this girl again. Sometimes, when I think about the couple even I wonder what would have happened in the end?

“Unfortunate are the ones who are parted from their lover, the more unfortunate are the ones who live with their lover without being loved” 

Beyond the Cognitive: Reflections from my Teaching Experience

"To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield" is the guiding philosophy of the school (name withheld) where I went for my School Experience Program. The ethos of the school reflects the ideals of Maharishi Dayanand and Mahatma Hansraj. It reflects the "Value System" prevalent in India which aims at nurturing our socio-cultural heritage as enshrined in the Vedas. Learners are imbibed by these values so as to develop them into good human beings. To this effect; the Vedic ritual of performing 'Havan' has a place of pride in the school’s curriculum and is performed regularly to purify the air and environment. The education in the school is an amalgamation of ancient Vedic values and contemporary scientific temperament. Along with the intellectual development, the school aims to promote the traditional Indian values with due emphasis on competence, creativity and inculcation of scientific outlook and aesthetic appreciation.

I taught Social sciences to class IX^th and Psychology to class XI^th. The majority of students in class IXth were boys whereas in class XIth it was the other way round. Though the students were full of energy and enthusiasm, their curriculum permitted little time for self-reflection, but I felt a need to re-channelize their energies. Interestingly, even though the boys in XIth std were less in number and got sufficient attention from the teacher, they were still reluctant to study and attempted different means to distract the teacher in order to avoid participation in the classroom. Exploring the issue further, I learnt that Psychology was offered as an option against Political Science. Perhaps it was because of a limited choice of subjects rather than the interest that compelled them to opt for Psychology. On the other hand, the girls looked forward to share their personal experiences which enriched the classroom discussion. This made me wonder whether the girls were more intuitive and inward looking or were they simply more interested in studying Psychology?

At the end of the term I felt a need to evaluate myself viz.-a-viz. my teaching and my interaction with my learners. I asked both the classes to fill a feedback performa which consisted of ten indicators of teacher effectiveness. Besides these indicators, there were a few qualitative questions. One of the questions required them to answer what they had learnt from their teacher. Quite a few of them wrote that they learned to control their anger. They mentioned that many a times they would try to provoke me, or enrage me, but I remained tranquil and composed.

I was both perplexed and touched by their responses, and what amazed me the most was that a similar feedback was received by not less than 12-13 students from both the classes. They perceived anger as a negative trait and, admired the teacher and her management of anger. This experience laid a path for a self-reflection of my journey as a teacher. I wanted to understand the way in which my learners conceptualized anger, why they expected me to be angry and how was I different from the other teachers? I was overwhelmed that I could make them aware of their anger and kindle a need to manage it.

I reflected on this underlying yet essential difference between the relationship they shared with me and the relationship they shared with other teachers. Before my School Experience Program, I had already reflected on the kind of relationship I wanted to establish with my learners. I viewed my learners as sentient beings who deserved respect and dignity. I encouraged them to share their thoughts and opinions while my focus remained inculcate sensitivity and tolerance in them. I don’t claim absolute tolerance but I never thought of using anger as a tool to establish control or discipline in the classroom.

I was amazed that the learners were aware of their naughty behavior and deliberately tried to elicit an aggressive reaction from their teacher. Not receiving the expected reaction made them perceive the teacher as different from the rest. While pondering over these issues, I began to read Krishnamurti and got many answers from him. He believed that there is a peculiar quality to aggression which is isolation. Even I feel that an aggressive person is alienated from the world. This alienation is twofold: one is when the world distances itself from him. Second is when the person is frustrated from the world and develop resentment towards it and creates a psychological barrier which prevents others from entering. When as teachers we get aggressive in classrooms, the students develop a fear for us and consider us as different from them. Students show their non-acceptance in the form of noncompliance. At times, this leads the teacher to develop a negative opinion about the students and distance herself from them. As far as my context is concerned, I still wonder whether I was able to form a personal connection with them at the affective level where a mutual understanding of others’ emotions prevailed or not.

I think that this is similar to what power and authority does to a human. When you are in an authoritative position you generally tend to look down upon others as less knowledgeable or less capable than you. A most common fallacy in which the teachers lead their entire life is that of supremacy. This sense of supremacy has emerged from our religious and cultural milieu which privilege gurus to enjoy supremacy even over God. Because of the prevalent norms around the conceptualization of guru it is being incongruously equated to teacher which gives her undue power. Although a teacher may feel a sense of pride to be considered as supreme but the underlying authority completely disengages the teacher with the learners. The role of teacher is reduced to passing knowledge and no deeper engagement is possible.

To my mind, for a teaching learning process to be effective, some amount of transformation should take place in the teacher as well as the learner’s personal transformation is initiated by the realization that you are capable of looking into your inner self. While I was reading the feedback of my students I felt as though I was undergoing some kind of transformation. Though I had an idea about the kind of relationship I will establish with my students I never consciously behaved in a subtle way or masked my anger. At that point I realized that it was not that I was trying to overcome my anger or control it. It was that I did not feel the emotion of anger at all. Krishnamurti said that you become what you fight. I think this happens because when you have to fight or control anger consciously, there will be an urge to keep on thinking about the ways to fight it. In this manner, the emotion of anger would still persist in our minds and no meaningful transformation would be probable. One may question that how can one get rid of anger and transform oneself.

I believe this can be arrived through self-awareness when one can attempt to delve deeper into oneself and try to comprehend the cause of anger. But this must be done objectively as a third person who witnesses. If we initiate a dialogue between ourselves and our anger, we tend to defend and attribute reasons which will not let us view it as it is. The problem of anger can be solved when we look at it without condemning it or passing judgments. Self-awareness is the first step forward on the path of personal transformation.

The transformation which we undergo would not be worthwhile if it doesn’t reach others. Would my transformation be meaningful if it was just restricted to me? I wouldn’t have considered my behavior as noteworthy if my students wouldn’t have learned from it. This experience became significant only because of its power to transform me as well as initiate a transformation in my learners. Though the transformation was implicit to me, it was effective as it was able to bring me closer to my inner self and my learners.

Therefore, I believe that personal transformation can’t take place in seclusion. It will lose its significance if social transformation would not follow. The personal transformation I experienced was a result of my deeper engagement with not only myself but also with others. 

Life mein Kabhi Kabhi ....

Most of the intelligent folks out there must have understood what I am trying to point at but most of the even more intelligent people would be wondering what exactly I mean by this title. There is no need to race your mind's horses since I have already done this work so much so that my horses fractured their legs and filhaal are on a 2-month bed rest as recommended by their doctor!

Anyway, coming back to life mein kabhi kabhi.... Life mein Kabhi Kabhi things don't work out the way you expected them to be. There is nothing more frustrating than to see something being taken away from you just when you are about to have it.  The thought that you have been gardening your dreams and someone else is going to live them is enough to make you freak out.  It is like when your dream man (in my case it is none other that SRK) is just about to propose you and you are looking at him with those dark and sensuous eyes with a feeling that all the species of butterflies are adding colours to your stomach... And you feel that all your organs have stopped functioning for a moment but still your mind functions perfectly and you  frame all the possible lovey-dovey replies you will shower him with. And amidst all this romance you suddenly realize a loud voice calling your name, you try so hard to ignore it till it grows louder to a point when you can't ignore it. You emerge out of your romantic slumber only to know that you were just dreaming, perhaps the most beautiful dream ever which ended by a loud piercing voice. Likewise, is the feeling when you have seen all the beautiful dreams and lived them in your head over a thousand times and just when everything seems so perfect, your dreams break like fine crystal on the floor with a piercing sound (A sound best to depict a heartbreak!). You feel so shattered, cheated and your world seems to fall apart. The mind becomes so criminal that you just want to set the whole galaxy on fire (including the Sun!). Suddenly you find each and every person happier than you even the roadside beggar! Feelings filled with jealousy and hatred for every such person is one of the few complimentary things you get with the whole 'Heartache' package of pain, tears and suffering. And then finally you question the almighty...Why ME ?!! God, Why ME ??!! God perhaps smiles and says, 'Seek your answer not outside but within'.

You might have faced all the emotional turmoil and suffered all kinds of crying bouts but a day comes when everything seems to be normal again. A day when you realize that everything is now just a part of your 'past'. You may never forget it but you have learnt to accept it. This acceptance gives you the immense strength to move forward in life. The memories of the past don't become haunting ghosts instead they become beautiful feelings which hide in the deepest corners of your heart. Time and again when you are sitting all alone thinking about your self and your journey, you open the darkest and the most secret doors of your heart to resort back to those memories and trust me...they will never pull you down but will always give you a push to face life with much more confidence and love. You might find a tear rolling down your cheek but it will be a symbol of that remarkable road which you have travelled so far and not the pain you once felt.

Life mein Kabhi Kabhi when you face such situations when you seem to be going through a 'psychological cardiac arrest' just give yourself a moment to think with a sane and rational frame of mind that is the situation bigger than this beautiful thing called life? Will the consequences will be as bad as you think they are? Can you still do something to avoid the situation? Do you have the guts to give life the blunt answer that it can't play games on you and keep you away from the thing you truly desire. If yes, then get up and fight back. This
write up is certainly not for you! But if you have given your best try or feel that you have no role to play in what is happening in your life, then just remember that every hurdle in your life makes you a better and polished person. Crossing every hurdle, dealing with every single pressurising situation gives you more courage and ultimately makes you a stronger person. Life mein kabhi kabhi ... Nah! Always ... Follow your heart! It's your best guide!